It was dark when she rose. Siegmund was not in sight. She tidied
herself, and rather frightened, went to look for him. She saw him like
a thick shadow on the earth. Now she was heavy with tears good to shed.
She stood in silent sorrow, looking at him.
Suddenly she became aware of someone passing and looking curiously at
them.
“Dear!” she said softly, stooping and touching his hair. He began to
struggle with himself to respond. At that minute he would rather have
died than face anyone. His soul was too much uncovered.
“Dear, someone is looking,” she pleaded.
He drew himself up from cover. But he kept his face averted. They
walked on.
“Forgive me, dear,” she said softly.
“Nay, it’s not you,” he answered, and she was silenced. They walked on
till the night seemed private. She turned to him, and “Siegmund!” she
said, in a voice of great sorrow and pleading.
He took her in his arms, but did not kiss her, though she lifted her
face. He put his mouth against her throat, below the ear, as she
offered it, and stood looking out through the ravel of her hair, dazed,
dreamy.
The sea was smoking with darkness under half-luminous heavens. The
stars, one after another, were catching alight. Siegmund perceived
first one, and then another dimmer one, flicker out in the darkness
over the sea. He stood perfectly still, watching them. Gradually he
remembered how, in the cathedral, the tapers of the choir-stalls would
tremble and set steadily to burn, opening the darkness point after
point with yellow drops of flame, as the acolyte touched them, one by
one, delicately with his rod. The night was religious, then, with its
proper order of worship. Day and night had their ritual, and passed in
uncouth worship.
Siegmund found himself in an abbey. He looked up the nave of the night,
where the sky came down on the sea-like arches, and he watched the
stars catch fire. At least it was all sacred, whatever the God might
be. Helena herself, the bitter bread, was stuff of the ceremony, which
he touched with his lips as part of the service.
He had Helena in his arms, which was sweet company, but in spirit he
was quite alone. She would have drawn him back to her, and on her
woman’s breast have hidden him from Fate, and saved him from searching
the unknown. But this night he did not want comfort. If he were “an
infant crying in the night”, it was crying that a woman could not
still. He was abroad seeking courage and faith for his own soul. He, in
loneliness, must search the night for faith.
“My fate is finely wrought out,” he thought to himself. “Even damnation
may be finely imagined for me in the night. I have come so far. Now I
must get clarity and courage to follow out the theme. I don’t want to
botch and bungle even damnation.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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