Children -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Ghost stories; Governesses -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
out into sociable reminders. I was invited—with no visible
connection—to repeat afresh Goody Gosling’s celebrated _mot_ or to
confirm the details already supplied as to the cleverness of the
vicarage pony.
It was partly at such junctures as these and partly at quite different
ones that, with the turn my matters had now taken, my predicament, as I
have called it, grew most sensible. The fact that the days passed for
me without another encounter ought, it would have appeared, to have
done something toward soothing my nerves. Since the light brush, that
second night on the upper landing, of the presence of a woman at the
foot of the stair, I had seen nothing, whether in or out of the house,
that one had better not have seen. There was many a corner round which
I expected to come upon Quint, and many a situation that, in a merely
sinister way, would have favored the appearance of Miss Jessel. The
summer had turned, the summer had gone; the autumn had dropped upon Bly
and had blown out half our lights. The place, with its gray sky and
withered garlands, its bared spaces and scattered dead leaves, was like
a theater after the performance—all strewn with crumpled playbills.
There were exactly states of the air, conditions of sound and of
stillness, unspeakable impressions of the _kind_ of ministering moment,
that brought back to me, long enough to catch it, the feeling of the
medium in which, that June evening out of doors, I had had my first
sight of Quint, and in which, too, at those other instants, I had,
after seeing him through the window, looked for him in vain in the
circle of shrubbery. I recognized the signs, the portents—I recognized
the moment, the spot. But they remained unaccompanied and empty, and I
continued unmolested; if unmolested one could call a young woman whose
sensibility had, in the most extraordinary fashion, not declined but
deepened. I had said in my talk with Mrs. Grose on that horrid scene of
Flora’s by the lake—and had perplexed her by so saying—that it would
from that moment distress me much more to lose my power than to keep
it. I had then expressed what was vividly in my mind: the truth that,
whether the children really saw or not—since, that is, it was not yet
definitely proved—I greatly preferred, as a safeguard, the fullness of
my own exposure. I was ready to know the very worst that was to be
known. What I had then had an ugly glimpse of was that my eyes might be
sealed just while theirs were most opened. Well, my eyes _were_ sealed,
it appeared, at present—a consummation for which it seemed blasphemous
not to thank God. There was, alas, a difficulty about that: I would
have thanked him with all my soul had I not had in a proportionate
measure this conviction of the secret of my pupils.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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