MR. WALTERS: You have probably heard that unsuccessful authors and dramatists, when they cannot get their plays or books accepted by ordinary means, adopt little devices? WITNESS: I don’t think I have. MR. WALTERS: You have never heard of an actress losing her jewels, or an author pretending to commit suicide? WITNESS: I have heard of them actually doing it. MR. WALTERS: Ever heard of an author saying he has been to the North Pole, and writing a book? Would it not be absolutely providential if something occurred to you to bring you into notoriety? WITNESS: No. MR. WALTERS: It would not relieve your “Thorn of Anxiety”? WITNESS: No. MR. WALTERS: In other words, would it not rather be to your advantage to be talked about as a hero. WITNESS: I have never seriously considered the proposition. MR. WALTERS: You are rather fond of theatricals, are you not? WITNESS: No, sir. MR. WALTERS: Fond of the Drama? WITNESS: I am rather too busy to be interested in it. As I have told you, I am too busy—— MR. WALTERS: Yes or no? WITNESS: You ought to take my answer. I say I have been too engaged in looking after my livelihood to take a lively interest in the British Drama. MR. WALTERS: You do take an interest? WITNESS: Yes. MR. WALTERS: Does your employer know it? WITNESS: Yes. MR. WALTERS: He has seen your play? WITNESS: Yes. MR. WALTERS: It rather interested him? WITNESS: I think what interested him was my work for him. MR. WALTERS: He is a keen man, you know. WITNESS: I know. I can tell you he is not interested in the Drama. MR. WALTERS: You have a few friends who are interested in the Drama? Do you meet a few fellow Dramatists? WITNESS: No, sir. MR. WALTERS: But it is in the Official Records that you do! WITNESS: Then, I must be wrong, and I do. I was told to answer “yes or no.” I meet a few people who are interested in the Drama, having attempted plays as I have. I meet them at rather long but happy intervals. MR. WALTERS: I suppose they would like their plays produced? WITNESS: I dare say. MR. WALTERS: Once more I ask you—and do please give a straightforward answer— WITNESS: With great respect, I very much resent that. MR. WALTERS: Do you think it would be to your advantage to be a little famous? JUDGE: I must interpose, because I don’t think I know any human being in the world who would not think it to his advantage to be rather famous. Also I must remind the Court that two speeches have to be made on both sides, and we are all in high hopes of hanging somebody, and it really ought to be abbreviated if possible. I don’t think anyone can say that the answers of the present witness have been such as in any way to expose him to discredit, but if the barrister examining desires to ask a few more questions, by all means let him do so, and then I think we should pass on as quickly as possible. WITNESS: I could achieve very great notoriety if I were hanged. JUDGE: Yes: live in hopes.