He had now, from the sciatica, a permanent limp; a cane had ceased to be
merely ornamental. A hundred small details, falling wrongly, rubbed on
the raw of his dejection. The feeling of loneliness deepened about him.
As the sun sank, throwing up over, the world a last dripping bath of
red-gold light, he returned slowly to his house.
Each window, facing him, flashed in a broad sheet of blinding
radiance, a callous illumination. A peacock, another of Gisela's late
extravagances, spread a burnished metallic plumage, with a grating cry.
But the hall was pleasantly still, dim. He stood for a long minute,
resting, drawing deep breaths of quietude. Every light was lit in the
reception room, where he found his wife, seated, in burnt-orange satin
and bare powdered shoulders, amid a glitter of glass prisms, gilt and
marble. Her very brilliance, her gay, careless smile, added to his
fatigue. Suddenly he thought—I am an old man with a young wife! His
dejection changed to bitterness. Gisela said:
“I hope you like my dress; it came from Vienna, and was wickedly
expensive. Really I ought to wear sapphires with it; I rather think I'll
get them. Diamonds look like glass with orange.” Her words were lost in
a confused blurring of his mind. He swayed slightly. Suddenly the whole
circumstance of his living, of Gisela's babbling, became unendurable.
His pride, his conception of a wife set in luxury above the facts
of existence, a mere symbol of his importance and wealth, crumbled,
stripping him of all pretense. He raised a thin, darkly veined and
trembling hand.
“Sapphires!” he cried shrilly. “Why, next week we'll be lucky if we
can buy bread! I am practically smashed—smashed at fifty and more.
This house that you fix up and fix up, that dress and the diamonds and
clocks, and—and——They are not real; in no time they'll go, fade away
like smoke, leave me, us, bare. For five years I have been fighting for
my life; and now I'm losing; everything is slipping out of my hands.
While you talk of sapphires; you build bedamned gardens with the men I
need to keep us alive; and peacocks and——”
He stopped as abruptly as he had commenced, flooded with shame at the
fact that he stood before her self-condemned; that she, Gisela, saw in
him a sham. He miserably avoided her gaze, and was surprised when she
spoke, in an unperturbed warm voice:
“Sit down, Alexander; you are tired and excited.” She rose and, with a
steady hand, forced him into a chair. “I am glad that, at last, you
told me this,” she continued evenly; “for now we can face it, arrange,
together. It can't be so bad as you suppose. Naturally you are worn, but
you are a very strong man; I have great faith in you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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