A Budget of Christmas Tales by Charles Dickens and Others
General
A Budget of Christmas Tales by Charles Dickens and Others
Christmas stories
"You are going to be married, you say," pursued the Alderman. "Very
unbecoming and indelicate in one of your sex! But never mind that.
After you're married, you'll quarrel with your husband, and come to be a
distressed wife. You may think not; but you will, because I tell you so.
Now, I give you fair warning, that I have made up my mind to Put
distressed wives Down. So, don't be brought before me. You'll have
children--boys. Those boys will grow up bad, of course, and run wild in
the streets without shoes or stockings. Mind, my young friend! I'll
convict 'em summarily every one, for I am determined to Put boys without
shoes or stockings, Down. Perhaps your husband will die young (most
likely) and leave you with a baby. Then you'll be turned out of doors,
and wander up and down the streets. Now don't wander near me, my dear,
for I am resolved to Put all wandering mothers Down. All young mothers,
of all sorts and kinds, it's my determination to Put Down. Don't think
to plead illness as an excuse with me; or babies as an excuse with me;
for all sick persons and young children (I hope you know the
church-service, but I'm afraid not) I am determined to Put Down. And if
you attempt, desperately and ungratefully, and impiously, and
fraudulently attempt, to drown yourself, or hang yourself, I'll have no
pity on you, for I have made up my mind to Put all suicide Down! If
there is one thing," said the Alderman, with his self-satisfied smile,
"on which I can be said to have made up my mind more than on another, it
is to Put suicide Down. So don't try it on. That's the phrase, isn't it!
Ha, ha! now we understand each other."
Toby knew not whether to be agonized or glad, to see that Meg had turned
deadly white, and dropped her lover's hand.
"As for you, you dull dog," said the Alderman, turning with even
increased cheerfulness and urbanity to the young smith, "what are you
thinking of being married for? What do you want to be married for, you
silly fellow? If I was a fine, young, strapping chap like you, I should
be ashamed of being milksop enough to pin myself to a woman's
apron-strings! Why, she'll be an old woman before you're a middle-aged
man! And a pretty figure you'll cut then, with a draggle-tailed wife and
a crowd of squalling children crying after you wherever you go!"
Oh, he knew how to banter the common people, Alderman Cute!
"There! Go along with you," said the Alderman, "and repent. Don't make
such a fool of yourself as to get married on New Year's Day. You'll
think very differently of it, long before next New Year's Day: a trim
young fellow like you, with all the girls looking after you. There! Go
along with you!"
They went along. Not arm in arm, or hand in hand, or interchanging
bright glances; but she in tears; he gloomy and down-looking. Were these
the hearts that had so lately made old Toby's leap up from its
faintness? No, no. The Alderman (a blessing on his head!) had Put _them_
Down.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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