"Do not say that, Monsieur Georges," I cried, wildly; "what you say is
horrible and wicked. And you really give me too much pain, too much
pain."
I seized his hands; they were moist and burning. I bent over him; his
breath had the raucous ardor of a forge.
"It is horrible, horrible!"
He continued:
"A kiss from you,---why! that meant my resurrection, my complete
restoration to life. Oh! you have believed seriously in your baths, in
your port wine, in your hair-glove. Poor little one! It is in your love
that I have bathed, it is the wine of your love that I have drunk, it
is the revulsion of your life that has set a new blood flowing beneath
my skin. It is because I have so hoped and longed and waited for your
kiss that I have begun to live again, to be strong,--for I am strong
now. But I am not angry with you for refusing me; you are right in
refusing. I understand; I understand. You are a timid little soul,
without courage; a little bird that sings on one branch, and then on
another, and flies away at the slightest noise ... frroutt!"
"These are frightful things which you are saying, Monsieur Georges."
He still went on, while I wrung my hands:
"Why are they frightful? No, indeed, they are not frightful; they
are true. You think me sick. You think that one is sick when one has
love. You do not know that love is life,--eternal life. Yes, yes, I
understand, since your kiss, which is life for me, might, you fancy, be
death for you. Let us say no more about it."
I could not listen further. Was it pity? Was it the bleeding reproach
and bitter challenge that these atrocious and sacrilegious words
conveyed? Was it simply the impulsive and savage love that suddenly
took possession of me? I do not know. Perhaps it was all of these
together. What I know is that I allowed myself to fall, like a mass,
on the long chair, and that, lifting in my hands the child's adorable
head, I wildly cried:
"There, naughty boy, see how afraid I am of you! See, then, how afraid
I am of you!"
I glued my lips to his lips, I pressed my teeth against his, with such
quivering fury that my tongue seemed to penetrate the deepest sores of
his chest, to lick them, to drink from them, to draw out of them all
the poisoned blood and all the mortal pus. His arms opened, and closed
again about me, in an embrace.
And what was to happen happened.
Well, no. The more I think about it, the surer I am that what threw
me into Georges's arms, what fastened my lips to his, was, first and
only, an imperative, spontaneous movement of protest against the base
sentiments that Georges--through strategy, perhaps--attributed to my
refusal. It was, above all, an act of fervent, disinterested, and very
pure piety, which meant to say:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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