A Life for a Life, Volume 1 (of 3)Craik, Dinah Maria Mulock
General
A Life for a Life, Volume 1 (of 3)
Craik, Dinah Maria Mulock
Fiction
"If I said foolish or rude things that night, you must remember how apt
one is to judge from personal experience, and I have never seen any fair
specimen of the army. Except," and her manner prevented all questioning
of what duty elevated into a truth,--"except, of course, Captain
Treherne."
He caught his name.
"Eh, good people. Saying nothing bad of me, I hope? Anyhow, I leave my
character in the hands of my friend Urquhart. He rates me soundly to my
face, which is the best proof of his not speaking ill of me behind my
back."
"So that is Doctor Urquhart's idea of friendship! bitter outside, and
sweet at the core. What does he make of love, pray? All sweet and no
bitter?"
"Or all bitter and no sweet."
These speeches came from the two other sisters, the latter from the
eldest; their flippancy needed no reply, and I gave none. The second
sister was silent: which, I thought, shewed better taste, under the
circumstances.
For a few minutes longer we sauntered on, leaving the wood and passing
into the sunshine, which felt soft and warm as spring. Then
there happened,--I have been slow in coming to it, one of those
accidents,--trivial to all but me, which, whenever occurring, seem
to dash the peaceful present out of my grasp, and, throw me back
years--years, to the time when I had neither present nor future, but
dragged on life, I scarcely know how, with every faculty tightly bound
up in an inexorable, intolerable past.
She was carrying her prayer-book, or Bible I think it was, though
English people oftener carry to church prayer-books than Bibles, and
seem to reverence them quite as much, or more. I had noticed it, as
being not one of those velvet things with gilt crosses that ladies
delight in, but plain-bound, with slightly soiled edges, as if with
continual use. Passing through a gate, she dropped it: I stooped to pick
it up, and there, on the fly-leaf, I saw written:--
"Theodora Johnston."--"_Johnston_."
Let me consider what followed, for my memory is not clear.
I believe, I walked with her to her own door, that there was a gathering
and talking, which ended in Treherne's entering with the ladies,
promising to overtake me before I reached the camp. That the gate closed
upon them, and I heard their lively voices inside the garden wall while
I walked rapidly down the road and back into the fir-wood. That gaining
its shadow and shelter I sat down on a felled tree, to collect myself.
Johnson her name is not, but _Johnston_. Spelt precisely the same as I
remember noticing on his handkerchief, Johnston, without the final _e._
Yet, granting that identity, it is still a not uncommon name; there are
whole families, whole clans of Johnstons along the Scottish border, and
plenty of English Johnstons and Johnstones likewise.
Am I fighting with shadows, and torturing myself in vain? God grant it!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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