Surely a part of this feeling was the compunction which she felt for
having wronged him. That she might openly acknowledge. But that was
not all. She was aware of something more in her own heart. Even that
she might have stifled, and, supported by her pride, might have
concisely told him of the error under which she had acted. But there
was still another thing that entered in. This was a faint, delicious,
disturbing, unacknowledged to her own heart, suspicion about Horace
himself. He had said nothing to warrant her in the belief that his
anxiety about her future was anything more than the satisfaction
of his own self-respect, but her heart had said things which she
trembled to hear, and there was a certain evidence of her eyes. In
leaving her the other day--or rather at the moment of her hurried
leaving of him--he had looked at her strangely.
That look had lingered in her consciousness, and without effort she
could recall it now. In doing so her cheeks flushed, her heart beat
quicker. She felt tempted to woo the sweet sensation, and by every
effort of imagination to quicken it into keener life, but the
seductiveness of this temptation terrified her.
She started from her seat and looked about her. How long had she sat
there musing--dreaming dreams which every instinct of womanly pride
compelled her to renounce? She wondered if he had gone. Once more
came that mingled hope and fear that he might seek an interview with
her before leaving. The hope was stronger than ever, and for that
reason the fear was stronger too.
A footstep in the hall arrested her attention, and she stood
palpitating, with her hand upon her heart. It passed, leaving only
silence; but it had been a useful warning to her. Suppose, in her
present mood, Horace should make his way to her sitting-room and
knock for admittance. Would she--could she--send him away, with her
heart crying out for the relief of speech and confession to him as
it was doing now?
With a hurried impulse she caught up a light wrap of dense black
material, and passed rapidly into the hall. Her impulse was to go out
of doors, to get away from the house until he should have left it;
but in order to do this from her apartments, she must pass by the
library, and this she feared to do. So she changed her purpose, and
stepping softly that no one might hear her, she entered the long
picture-gallery, and closed the door behind her with great care to
make no noise. Many of the blinds were closed, but down at the far
end where her picture hung there was some light, and with an
impulsive desire to look at this picture, with a view to the
impression that it might make on Horace when he should see it, she
glided noiselessly down the room toward it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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