The months were many and long before there came another break in the
monotony of Esther's life. The little girl was thrown upon her own
ressources, and that is too hard a position for her years, or perhaps
for any years. She had literally no companion but her father, and it is
a stretch of courtesy to give the name to him. Another child would have
fled to the kitchen for society, at least to hear human voices. Esther
did not. The instincts of a natural high breeding restrained her, as
well as the habits in which she had been brought up. Mrs. Barker waited
upon her at night and in the morning, at her dressing and undressing:
sometimes Esther went for a walk, attended by Christopher; the rest of
the time she was either alone, or in the large, orderly room where
Colonel Gainsborough lay upon the sofa, and there Esther was rather
more alone than anywhere else. The colonel was reading; reverence
obliged her to keep quiet; he drew long breaths of weariness or sadness
every now and then, which every time came like a cloud over such
sunshine as she had been able to conjure up; and besides all that,
notwithstanding the sighs and the reading, her father always noticed
and knew what she was doing. Now it is needless to say that Colonel
Gainsborough had forgotten what it was to be a child; he was therefore
an incompetent critic of a child's doings or judge of a child's wants.
He had an impatience for what he called a 'waste of time;' but Esther
was hardly old enough to busy herself exclusively with history and
geography; and the little innocent amusements to which she had recourse
stood but a poor chance under his censorship. 'A waste of time, my
daughter,' he would say, when he saw Esther busy perhaps with some
childish fancy work, or reading something from which she promised
herself entertainment, but which the colonel knew promised nothing
more. A word from him was enough. Esther would lay down her work or put
away the book, and then sit in forlorn uncertainty what she should do
to make the long hours drag less heavily. History and geography and
arithmetic she studied, in a sort, with her father; and Colonel
Gainsborough was not a bad teacher, so far as the progress of his
scholar was concerned. So far as her pleasure went, the lessons were
very far behind those she used to have with Pitt. And the recitations
were short. Colonel Gainsborough gave his orders, as if he were on a
campaign, and expected to see them fulfilled. Seeing them fulfilled, he
turned his attention at once to something else.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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