I mention this in order to explain why I had of late been more chary of
my sympathy in my interviews with the artist, and had given him strict
orders that he was not to send me any more fruit and flowers. However
much I might desire his welfare, self-respect required that I should not
let our friendship become so conspicuous as to attract general
attention. It was shortly after I issued this mandate that he began the
picture to which I have referred; but the immediate result of my words
was a fit of angry despondency.
Two days before Christmas he came to me and said the picture would be
finished and ready for exhibition on Christmas Eve, and that he wished
me to see it first of all. Would I come to his rooms on that afternoon?
As he saw me hesitate, he clasped his hands with so piteous an
expression that I chose not to say no. Why not, after all, thought I. It
was unconventional to be sure. But matrons were out of date and
superfluous in the artistic world. Did not Miss Kingsley go about freely
to studios and wherever the needs of her profession called her? If she
were safe from familiarity, why should not I be? I had a strong belief
in the magic circle of respect which surrounds a thoroughly refined
woman. If I refused the artist's request, I was certain to disappoint
him sorely. It was a small enough favor, I argued, to grant to one who
had been striving bravely to overcome his evil nature at my instigation.
Mr. Barr's studio was up seven flights of stairs in the French roof of a
building which had no elevator, and had doubtless been chosen by him on
account of cheapness and light. Breathless, I paused on the last
landing on the afternoon of the day before Christmas, and in response to
my knock was greeted by the black beard and large eyes of the artist
appearing round the edge of the door. As he threw it wide open he gave a
cry of pleasure, singing the while at the top of his lungs the air he
played that evening at Miss Kingsley's when he flung himself down before
the piano after tea.
"At last, at last, my goddess! I have prayed for this hour," he said,
bowing low.
I stopped short in the middle of the room. "If you do not wish me to
leave you instantly, you must cease all such language and unseemly
conduct. I have come to see your picture, Mr. Barr."
"I will. Believe me, I will. I will be quiet as a lamb, though I am so
happy I could dance a minuet with Satan and not tire. But I will obey
you. Do not be uneasy. Sit here. No, here. The light is better. There it
is. Look, finished! My masterpiece, my ideal! It is only to lift that
curtain, and I shall be famous."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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