+Wid.+ Should they come up and see this, what could they think, but that some foul, uncivil act of shame had this night stained my house? and as good marry him as my name lost for ever. [_Aside._ +Alex.+ Will you have me, afore t'other sleeve goes off? +Wid.+ Do, hang yourself; I will not have you--look, look, if he have not pulled it off quite: why, you wonnot pull off your boots too, will you? +Alex.+ Breeches and all, by this flesh. +Wid.+ What, and stand naked in a widow's chamber? +Alex.+ As naked as Grantham steeple or the Strand May-pole, by this spur: and what your grave parishioners will think on't? +Jar.+ Gentlemen, pray keep down. +Wid.+ Alas! they are at the stairs' foot; for heaven's sake, sir! +Alex.+ Will you have me? +Wid.+ What shall I do? no. +Alex.+ This is the last time of asking; they come up, and down go my breeches. Will you have me? +Wid.+ Ay, ay, ay, alas! and your breeches go down, I am undone for ever. +Alex.+ Why, then, kiss me upon't. And yet there's no cracking your credit: Jarvis, come in, Jarvis. _Enter +Jarvis+._ +Jar.+ I have kept my promise, sir; you've catched the old one. +Wid.+ How, catched? is there nobody below, then? +Jar.+ Nobody but John, forsooth, recovering a tobacco snuff, that departed before supper. +Wid.+ And did you promise this, sir? +Jar.+ A woman cannot have a handsomer cloud than a hair-brained husband: I will be your coz, he shall be my cuckold. [_Aside._ +Wid.+ I love you for your art. [_Aside._ +Jar.+ Come, come, put on, sir; I've acquainted you both with your father's intended marriage. I' th' morning you shall certify him very early by letter the quality of your fortunes, and return to your obedience; and that you and your wife, still concealing the parties, will attend him to church. John and I'll be there early, as commanded by my mistress, to discharge our attendance: about goes the plot, out comes the project, and there's a wedding-dinner dressed to your hands. +Alex.+ As pat as a fat heir to a lean shark; we shall hunger for't: honest Jarvis, I am thy bedfellow to-night, and to-morrow thy master. +Wid.+ You're a fine man to use a woman thus. +Alex.+ Pish! come, come. Fine men must use fine women thus, 'tis fit. Plain truth takes maids, widows are won with wit. +Jar.+ You shall wear horns with wisdom; that is in your pocket. [_Exeunt._ FOOTNOTES: [87] _i.e._, Recommended.