A like convulsive trembling seized Pierre Hautefeuille as he read this
letter, in which he saw the proof after twenty-four hours of
incertitude--the indisputable overwhelming proof--that his action had
been seen. By whom? But what mattered the name of the witness, now that
Madame de Carlsberg was informed? His secret instinct had not deceived
him. She had summoned him in order to reprove his indiscretion, perhaps
to banish him forever from her presence. The certainty that the subject
of this interview would be the act for which he now reproached himself
as for a crime was so intolerable to the lover that he was seized with
the idea of not going to the rendezvous, of never seeing again that
offended woman, of fleeing anywhere far away. He took up the letter,
saying, "It is true; there is nothing but to go!" Wildly, yet
mechanically, as though a mesmeric suggestion had emanated from the
written words on that little sheet of paper, he rang, ordered the
timetable, his bill, and his trunk. If the express to Italy, instead of
leaving late in the afternoon, had left at about eleven, perhaps the
poor young man, in that hour of semi-madness, would have precipitately
taken flight--an action which in a few hours was to appear as senseless
as it now appeared necessary.
But he was forced to wait, and, the first crisis once over, he felt that
he should not, that he could not go without explaining himself. He did
not think of justifying himself. In his own eyes he was unpardonable.
And yet he did not wish Madame de Carlsberg to condemn him without a
plea for the delicacy of his intentions. What would he say to her,
however? During the hours that separated him from his rendezvous, how
many discourses he imagined without suspecting that the imperious force
that attracted him to the Villa Helmholtz was not the desire to plead
his cause! It was toward the sensation of her presence that he was
irresistibly moving, the one idea around which everything centres in
that heart of a lover, at which everything ends, from the most
justifiable bitterness to the extremest timidity.
When the young man entered the parlor of the Villa Helmholtz, the excess
of his emotions had thrown him into that state of waking somnambulism in
which the soul and body obey an impulse of which they are scarcely
conscious. This state is analogous to that of a resolute man passing
through a very great danger--a similitude which proves that the two
fundamental instincts of our nature, that of self-preservation and that
of love, are the work of impersonal forces, exterior and superior to the
narrow domain of our conscious will.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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