A Trip to Scarborough; and, The CriticSheridan, Richard Brinsley
General
A Trip to Scarborough; and, The Critic
Sheridan, Richard Brinsley
Comedy plays; English drama -- 18th century
PUFF.
Yes; hush!—in great emergencies, there Is nothing like a prayer.
EARL OF LEICESTER.
O mighty Mars!
DANGLE.
But why should he pray to Mars?
PUFF.
Hush!
EARL OF LEICESTER.
If in thy homage bred,
Each point of discipline I’ve still observed;
Nor but by due promotion, and the right
Of service, to the rank of major-general
Have risen; assist thy votary now!
GOVERNOR.
Yet do not rise—hear me! [_Kneels._]
MASTER OF THE HORSE.
And me! [_Kneels._]
KNIGHT.
And me! [_Kneels._]
SIR WALTER RALEIGH.
And me! [_Kneels._]
SIR CHRISTOPHER HATTON.
And me! [_Kneels._]
PUFF.
Now pray altogether.
ALL.
Behold thy votaries submissive beg,
That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask;
Assist them to accomplish all their ends,
And sanctify whatever means they use
To gain them!
SNEER.
A very orthodox quintetto!
PUFF.
Vastly well, gentlemen!—Is that well managed or not? Have you such a
prayer as that on the stage?
SNEER.
Not exactly.
EARL OF LEICESTER.
[_To_ PUFF.] But, sir, you haven’t settled how we are to get off here.
PUFF.
You could not go off kneeling, could you?
SIR WALTER RALEIGH.
[_To_ PUFF.] O no, sir; impossible!
PUFF.
It would have a good effect i’faith, if you could exeunt praying!—Yes,
and would vary the established mode of springing off with a glance at
the pit.
SNEER.
Oh, never mind, so as you get them off!—I’ll answer for it, the
audience won’t care how.
PUFF.
Well, then, repeat the last line standing, and go off the old way.
_All_.
And sanctify whatever means we use To gain them. [_Exeunt_.]
DANGLE.
Bravo! a fine exit.
SNEER.
Well, really, Mr. Puff—
PUFF.
Stay a moment! _The_ SENTINELS _get up._
FIRST SENTINEL.
All this shall to Lord Burleigh’s ear.
SECOND SENTINEL.
’Tis meet it should. [_Exeunt_.]
DANGLE.
Hey!—why, I thought those fellows had been asleep?
PUFF.
Only a pretence; there’s the art of it: they were spies of Lord
Burleigh’s.
SNEER.
But isn’t it odd they never were taken notice of, not even by the
commander-in-chief?
PUFF.
O Lud, sir! if people who want to listen, or overhear, were not always
connived at in a tragedy, there would be no carrying on any plot in the
world.
DANGLE.
That’s certain.
PUFF.
But take care, my dear Dangle! the morning gun is going to fire.
[_Cannon fires_.]
DANGLE.
Well, that will have a fine effect!
PUFF.
I think so, and helps to realize the scene.—[_Cannon twice_.] What the
plague! three morning guns! there never is but one!—Ay, this is always
the way at the theatre: give these fellows a good thing, and they never
know when to have done with it.—You have no more cannon to fire?
UNDER PROMPTER.
[_Within_.] No, sir.
PUFF.
Now, then, for soft music.
SNEER.
Pray, what’s that for?
PUFF.
It shows that Tilburina is coming!—nothing introduces you a heroine
like soft music. Here she comes!
DANGLE.
And her confidant, I suppose?
PUFF.
To be sure! Here they are—inconsolable to the minuet in Ariadne! [Soft
music.] _Enter_ TILNURINA _and_ CONFIDANT.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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