A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 2 of 3: A Novel in Three VolumesDickens, Mary Angela
General
A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 2 of 3: A Novel in Three Volumes
Dickens, Mary Angela
Fiction
She paused again, but still Julian did not speak; still he did not raise
his eyes. She went on with a growing insistence in her voice which went
hand in hand with a growing agony of appeal:
“If you don’t see the necessity now, you must believe me when I tell you
that you will--you will. Look, dear! your life is surely not so dull
that you need run after such distraction as that! You shall marry if you
want to. You shall marry any one you like. But you must--you must give
this up. Julian----” She stopped for a moment, and her voice grew thin,
almost faint, as she pressed so heavily on the carving by which she held
that her hand was bruised and blackened. “Julian, I am not telling you
what it has been to me to know that you have deceived me. I am not going
to try and make you feel--I don’t want you to feel it, dear--what it has
been to me to go over your home-life of the last few weeks and know
that you have lied to me at every turn--to me, who have only wanted to
make you happy. I won’t reproach you. Perhaps young men think it a kind
of right--a kind of right----” She repeated the sentence, unfinished as
it was, as though it contained an idea to which she clung. “It is not
for my sake--to spare my feelings, that I tell you you must give it up.
It is for your own. Julian, my boy, you must believe me.”
Her words, quivering with entreaty, died away; her eyes, full of
supplication, were fixed on his; and Julian spoke--spoke without lifting
his eyes from the ground.
“Suppose I married her?” he said in a low, shamefaced voice.
“What!” The monosyllable rang out sharp and vibrating, and Mrs. Romayne,
all softness or relaxation struck from her face and figure in one sudden
bracing of every muscle, stood staring at him out of eyes alive with
horror.
“Suppose--I married--her!”
“Supposing that--I will tell you! You would have to keep her and
yourself! You would have no more of my money, and you would never be
acknowledged in my house again!” Her low voice was like fine, cold
steel, and she paused. Then quite suddenly, as though the horror kept at
bay in her eyes had leapt up and mastered her in an instant, she flung
out her hands wildly, crying: “Julian, Julian! You are not married? Tell
me, tell me you are not married?”
And Julian, white to the very lips, said low and hurriedly:
“No!”
There was a long silence. With a choked, hysterical cry, Mrs. Romayne
dropped into a chair near her, and covered her face with her hands.
Julian drew out his pocket-handkerchief and mechanically wiped his
forehead. At last he began, in a nervous, uneven voice:
“Mother, look here, I--you don’t quite understand me! I--she--it’s--it’s
not the kind of girl you think!” He stopped and drew his hand
desperately before his eyes. That innocent, white face, in its dingy
frame, what did it want before his eyes now? How could he get on if he
kept looking at it? “She--we--it was my fault! Mother, look here, I
ought!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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