_Teag._ Why, a recruiting sergeant listed me to be a captain, and after all advanced me no higher than a soldier itself, but only he called me his dear countryman recruit, for I did not know what the regiment was when I saw them. I thought they were all gentlemen's sons and collegioners, when I saw a box like a Bible upon their bellies, until I saw G for King George upon it, and R for God bless him. "Ho, ho," said I, "I shan't be long here." _Tom._ O, then, Paddy, you deserted from them? _Teag._ That's what I did, and ran to the mountains like a buck, and ever since when I see any soldiers I close my eyes, lest they should look and know me. _Tom._ And what exploits did you when you was a soldier? _Teag._ Arra, dear honey, I killed a man. _Tom._ And how did you do that? _Teag._ Arra, dear honey, when he dropt his sword I drew mine, and advanced boldly to him, and then cutted off his foot. _Tom._ O, then, what a big fool was you, for you ought first to have cut off his head. _Teag._ Arra, dear shoy, his head was cutted off before I engaged him, else I had not done it. _Tom._ O, then, Paddy, you acted like a fool; but you are not such a big fool as many take you to be. You might pass for a philosopher. _Teag._ A fulusipher. My father was a fulusipher; besides, he was a man under great authority by law, condemning the just and clearing the guilty. Do you know how they call the horse's mother? _Tom._ Why, they call her a mare. _Teag._ A mare, ay, very well minded. My father was a mare in Cork. _Tom._ And what riches was left you by the death of your mother? _Teag._ A bad luck to her own barren belly, for she lived in great plenty, and died in great poverty; devoured up all or she died, but two hens and a pockful of potatoes--a poor estate for an Irish gentleman, in faith. _Tom._ And what did you make of the hens and potatoes? Did you sow them? _Teag._ Arra, dear shoy, I sowed them in my belly, and sold the hens to a cadger. _Tom._ What business did your mother follow after? _Teag._ Greatly in the merchant way. _Tom._ And what sort of goods did she deal in? _Teag._ Dear honey, she went through the country and sold small fishes, onions, and apples; bought hens and eggs, and then hatched them herself. I remember of a long-necked cock she had, of an oversea brood, that stood on the midden and picked all the stars out of the north-west, so they were never so thick there since. _Tom._ Now, Paddy, that's a bull surpasses all; but is there none of that cock's offspring alive now? _Teag._ Arra, dear shoy, I don't think there are; but it is a pity but that they had, for they would fly with people above the sea, which would put the use of ships out of fashion, and nobody would be drowned at all. _Tom._ Very well, Paddy, but in all your travels did you ever get a wife?