That little emphasized word dispelled the hope that had for a moment asserted itself. Time and a better acquaintance with her own heart had not brought any change of feeling to her, and after a moment he said, quietly: "I think I can prove that I have been a sincere and loyal friend as well as an absent one. Having never felt--well, you cannot know--it takes a little time for a fellow to--pardon me; let all that go. I have tried to gain self-control, and I have obeyed your request, to do nothing rash, literally. I remained steadily at work in my office a certain number of hours every day. If the general hope that Richmond would be taken, and the war practically ended, had proved well founded, for the sake of others I should have resisted my inclination to take part in the struggle. I soon concluded, however, that it would be just as well to prepare for what has taken place, and so gave part of my afternoons and evenings to a little useful training. I am naturally very fond of a horse, and resolved that if I went at all it should be as a cavalry-man, so I have been giving not a little of my time to horseback exercise, sabre, pistol, and carbine practice, and shall not be quite so awkward as some of the other raw recruits. I construed McClellan's retreat into an order for me to advance, and have come to you as soon as I could to report progress." "Why could you not have come before?--why could you not have told me?" she asked, a little reproachfully. "Some day perhaps you will know," he replied, turning away for a moment. "I feared that maturer thought had convinced you that I could not be much of a friend,--that I was only a gay young girl who wouldn't appreciate an earnest man's purposes." "Miss Marian, you wrong me in thinking that I could so wrong you. Never for a moment have I entertained such a thought. I can't explain to you all my experience. I wished to be more sure of myself, to have something definite to tell you, that would prove me more worthy of your friendship." "My faith in you has never faltered a moment, Mr. Lane. While your words make me proud indeed, they also make me very sad. I don't wonder that you feel as you do about going, and were I a man I should probably take the same course. But I am learning at last what this war means. I can't with a light heart see my friends go." "Let it be with a brave heart, then. There are tears in your eyes, Miss Marian." "Why should there not be? O Mr. Lane, I am not coldhearted and callous. I am not so silly and shallow as I seemed." "I never thought you so--" By a gesture she stopped him, as she continued: "I recognized the expression on papa's face and yours the moment I saw you, and I know what it means." "Yes, Miss Marian; and I recognize the expression on your face. Were you a man you would have gone before this." "I think it would be easier to go than to stay and think of all one's friends must face."