CRATES _CURES FOR LOVE_ “Hunger, perhaps, may cure your love, Or time your passion greatly alter; If both should unsuccessful prove, I strongly recommend a halter.” JULIAN _BEER_ “What! whence this, Bacchus? For, by Bacchus’ self, The son of Jove, I know not this strange elf. The other smells like nectar; but thou here Like the he-goat. Those wretched Celts, I fear, For want of grapes, made thee of ears of corn. Demetrius art thou, of Demeter born, Not Bacchus, Dionysus, nor yet wine-- Those names but fit the products of the vine; Beer thou mayst be from barley; or, that failing, We’ll call thee ale, for thou wilt keep us ailing.” AGATHIAS _GRAMMAR AND MEDICINE_ “A thriving doctor sent his son to school To gain some knowledge, should he prove no fool; But took him soon away with little warning, On finding out the lesson he was learning-- How great Pelides’s wrath, in Homer’s rime, Sent many souls to Hades ere their time. ‘No need for this my boy should hither come; That lesson he can better learn at home; For I myself, now, I make bold to say, Sent many souls to Hades ere their day, Nor e’er found want of grammar stop my way.’” NEARCHUS _A SINGER_ “Men die when the night-raven sings or cries; But when Dick sings, e’en the night-raven dies.” AMMIANUS _AN EPITAPH_ “Light lie the earth, Nearchus, on thy clay, That so the dogs may easier find their prey.” LUCILIUS _ENVY_ “Poor Diophon of envy died, His brother thief to see Nailed next to him and crucified Upon a higher tree.” _A PROFESSOR WITH A SMALL CLASS_ “Hail, Aristides, rhetoric’s great professor! Of wondrous words we own thee the possessor. Hail ye, his pupils seven, that mutely hear him-- His room’s four walls, and the three benches near him.” _FALSE CHARMS_ “Chloe, those locks of raven hair, Some people say you dye with black; But that’s a libel, I can swear, For I know where you buy them black.” _A SCHOOLMASTER WITH A GAY WIFE_ “You in your school forever flog and flay us, Teaching what Paris did to Menelaus; But all the while, within your private dwelling, There’s many a Paris courting of your Helen.” _BOARD OR LODGING_