“As this life must soon end, and my frame will decay, And my soul to some far-distant clime wing its way, Ere that time arrives, now I free am from cares, I thus wish to settle my worldly affairs, A course right and proper men of sense will agree. I am now strong and hearty, my age forty-three; I make this my last will, as I think ’tis quite time, It conveys all I wish, though ’tis written in rhyme. To employ an attorney I ne’er was inclin’d, They are pests to society, sharks of mankind. To avoid that base tribe my own will I now draw, May I ever escape coming under their paw. To Ezra Dalton, my nephew, I give all my land, With the old Gothic cottage that thereon doth stand; ’Tis near Shimpling great road, in which I now dwell, It looks like a chapel or hermit’s old cell, With my furniture, plate, and linen likewise, And securities, money, with what may arise. ’Tis my wish and desire that he should enjoy these, And pray let him take even my skin, if he please. To my loving, kind sister I give and bequeath, For her tender regard, when this world I shall leave, If she choose to accept it, my rump-bone may take, And tip it with silver, a whistle to make. My brother-in-law is a strange-tempered dog; He’s as fierce as a tiger, in manners a hog; A petty tyrant at home, his frowns how they dread; Two ideas at once never entered his head. So proud and so covetous, moreover so mean, I dislike to look at him, the fellow is so lean. He ne’er behaved well, and, though very unwilling, Yet I feel that I must cut him off with a shilling. My executors, too, should be men of good fame; I appoint Edmund Ruffell, of Cockfield, by name In his old easy chair, with short pipe and snuff, What matter his whims, he is honest enough; With Samuel Seely, of Alpheton Lion, I like his strong beer, and his word can rely on. When Death’s iron hand gives the last fatal blow, And my shattered old frame in the dust must lie low, Without funeral pomp let my remains be conveyed To Brent Eleigh churchyard, near my father be laid. This, written with my own hand, there can be no appeal, I now therefore at once set my hand and my seal, As being my last will; I to this fully agree, This eighteenth day of March, eighteen hundred and three.” TWO ENGLISH WILLS The following is a copy of the will of the late Mr. Joshua West, of the Six Clerks’ Office, Chancery Lane, dated December 13, 1804: “Perhaps I died not worth a groat; But should I die worth something more, Then I give that, and my best coat, And all my manuscripts in store, To those who shall the goodness have To cause my poor remains to rest Within a decent shell and grave. This is the will of Joshua West. “JOSHUA WEST.