And now, Oliver, what am I to think? My fears would tie my tongue; but,
either I am deluded or hope brightens upon me, and I want the
self-denying resolution of silence. Yes, Oliver, I must repeat, there
is such sweetness in her countenance, when she speaks to me, such a
smile, so inviting, so affirmative, that I am incessantly flattering
myself it cannot but have a meaning. I have several times lately heard
her sigh; and once so emphatically that I think it impossible I should
be deceived. I and Sir Arthur were conversing. I was endeavouring to
shew the pernicious tendency of the prejudices of mankind, and
inadvertently touched upon the absurdity of supposing there could be
any superiority, of man over man, except that which genius and virtue
gave. Sir Arthur did not approve the doctrine, and was pettish. I
perhaps was warmed, by a latent sense of my own situation, and
exclaimed--'Oh! How many noble hearts are groaning, at this instant,
under the oppression of these prejudices! Hearts that groan, not
because they suffer, but because they are denied the power effectually
to aid their very oppressors, who exert the despotism of numbers, to
enforce claims which they themselves feel to be unjust, but which they
think it dishonourable to relinquish!'--It was then the sigh burst
forth of which I told thee. I turned and found her eyes fixed upon me.
She blushed and looked down, and then again bent them toward me. I was
heated and daring. We exchanged looks, and said--! Volumes could not
repeat how much!--But surely neither of us said any thing to the
other's disadvantage.
Oh! The bliss to perceive myself understood and not reproved! To meet
such emanations of mind! Ecstasy is a poor word! Once more she seemed
to repeat--_She would love me if I would let her._
Tell me, then--Have I not reason on my side? And, if I have, will she
not listen? May she not be won? Shall I doubt of victory, fighting
under the banners of truth? Alas!--Well well--
My own sensations, Oliver, are so acute, and I am so fearful lest they
should lead me astray, that I could not forbear this detail--Let us
change the theme.
Well, here we are, in France; and, wonderful to tell, France is not
England!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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