Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
I have made my lair in many places since I first kept house with Nature.
I have couched in heather by the pines of hills far above the Sussex
Weald; I have lain in dry furrows or on the margin of a copse, or in the
parks of the children of fortune, for whose welfare, in gratitude for
their unconscious hospitality, I shall ever pray. But of all wild
resting-places I have known, the openest are the most delightful. To see
the whole sweep of the stars; to lie on the shorn ground free of all
that overshadows or encompasses or confines; to breathe in the great
gulf of air; to stretch unhindered limbs--this is an initiation into a
new life, a pleasant memory in the long glooms of winter. Let nothing
come between you and the stars, that they may look well upon your face,
and haply repenting of some ancient unkindliness, draw you at this
rebirth a new horoscope of blessing and fair fortune. And if slumber
tarries when you lie in an open spot, you may consciously ride the great
globe through space, and like the shepherd watching by his flock in the
clear night while star rises after star, grow aware of the great earth
rolling to the east beneath you.
In these still hours of night or early dawn there steals upon the
charmed mind an Orphic sense of worship and inexplicable joy. For here
on bare uplands and wooded hills, where the starlight rains down through
the silence, or the day, welling up over the rim of the downs, glides
fresh from the lips of ocean, a calm river of light, here is the place
of Dionysus, of him born from fire and dew, Zagreus the soul of clean
souls and wild lives, his heart a-quiver with vague sadness drawn from
all the worlds, Eleutherios, loosener of heart and lip, the regenerator,
the absolver, the eternally misunderstood, whose true followers are
priests of impassioned pure life, whose wine is not juice of grapes but
the clear air ambient upon the hills. Here when sleep is shamed away by
expectant awe, the whole being grows one with all-environing life;
personality glides into the stream of cosmic existence, lost and found a
thousand times in the trance and ecstasy of dim divine feelings beyond
the power of words inexpressible. It is miracle; it is religion; it is a
feast of purification above pomps or mysteries, a cleansing ritual
without victims and undefiled. In such hours, and in such hours alone,
man and things are joined in a supreme utterance of life high and
humble, transient and immortal, by which the fellowship of all
existences within the universe is made real and significant to the
initiate mind. For in the day fences are about us, roofs and towers
impend above our heads, we are cribbed in streets and markets, the din
of rhetoric or sordid bargaining fills our ears. Or if we withdraw into
some still chamber, yet the walls built by hired hands offend, and the
doorposts of sapless timber; no high influence can penetrate to us save
through the close court of memory, and compared with the breezy starlit
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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