She managed to get into an empty carriage, shut the door, and stood up
by the window, winking sternly at the passengers who, in passing,
hesitated whether or not to enter. As the train moved off she shut the
window, and, sitting down with a sigh, stared out at the fir-woods and
the picturesque Surrey cottages. She did not see them; she saw nothing
and heard nothing but the rattle of the train, that gradually shaped
itself into the word Liphook—Liphook—Liphook—till she was maddened.
“It might have been some one writing to importune him for money,” she
said, thinking of the letter. But if the difficulty at Liphook were only
a debt, she felt certain that Alfred Wimple would not have spared her
the annoyance of knowing it. It was a mystery of which her indomitable
pride refused her even the suggestion of one solution, which yet seemed
gradually, and from without, to be getting burned upon her brain. A
despair that was half dread was taking possession of her. A desperate
knowledge was bearing down upon her that the only chance she had of
keeping the man to whom she had bound herself was by giving him money.
He was evidently at his wit’s end for it, and had no resource of his
own, for whatever was the attraction at Liphook it did not seem to
include money. Her one chance was to give it him, and to let him see
that she would not fail to give it him—then, perhaps, he would stay
with her. She stretched out her arms for a moment as if she were
drowning, and trying to save herself by holding on to him, but she
stretched them only into space, and clutched nothing. “Perhaps he thinks
because I am old I cannot love properly. Oh, my dear one, if you would
only speak to me out of your own heart, or if you could only look into
my heart—for that is not old; it is young. Age makes no difference if
he did but know it—I feel the same as when I was twenty, and we walked
between the chestnuts to the farm. It is only the years that have marked
me.” And then anger and pride chased away her misery and tenderness. “I
will have it settled,” she said; “I will know what it means; and if he
has not treated me properly he shall be called to account. If Walter and
Florence were only in England, I should not be in this sad dilemma.” The
mention of their names made her remember the letter in her pocket. She
pulled it out and opened it; it was the one Mrs. North had written from
Marseille. At another time she would have liked the congratulations, or
have been indignant at the divorce. Now she passed the news by with
little more than a scornful wink. “It is most presumptuous of her to
have written to me; she has taken a great liberty; she has committed a
solecism,” she said, almost mechanically. As she put the letter back
into her pocket her hand touched something she did not remember to have
placed there. She looked puzzled for a moment, then drew it out. It was
a little necktie of Alfred Wimple’s, blue with white spots on it. She
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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