I went—after I had made another attempt to cheer up Bashan’s
spirits by talking to him. But he was as little affected by my
going away as by my coming. He seemed to be oppressed by a feeling
of dark hopelessness—and contempt. “Since you have been capable,”
his attitude seemed to declare, “of having me put into this cage,
I expect nothing more from you.” And was it not in truth enough to
make him despair of all reason and justice? What had he done that
this should happen to him? How came it that I not only permitted
it, but even took the initial steps? I had meant to act well by
him. He had begun to bleed from the nose, and though this did not
appear to disturb him in any way, I had nevertheless thought it
fitting that veterinary science should be consulted, as befitted
a dog in good circumstances, and I had also learned that he was
rather anæmic and nervous—like the daughter of an earl. How could
I know that such a fate awaited him? How could I make him understand
that he was having honours and attention bestowed upon him by being
locked behind bars—like a jaguar—in being deprived of air, sunshine,
and exercise, and instead of being able to enjoy these blessings,
tormented with a thermometer day after day?
Such were the questions which I put to myself as I walked home.
Whilst I had up to then only missed Bashan, I now began to be
afflicted with a positive anxiety for him, for the welfare of his
soul, and was forced to contend with doubt and self-accusatory
thoughts. After all, was it not mere vanity and egoistic conceit
which had induced me to take him to this canine infirmary? Besides,
was it not possible, that a secret wish had been the wellspring of
this action, a wish to get rid of him for a time, a certain ignoble
curiosity to free myself from his incessant watching, and to see
how it would feel to be able to turn calmly to the right or to the
left without bringing about emotional cataclysms in the animated
world without—emotional tempests whether of joy or sorrow, or
bitter disillusionment? It was not to be denied—since Bashan’s
internment I was enjoying a definite feeling of independence such
as I had not known for a long time. When I glanced through the
glass door of my study there was no one there to annoy me with the
spectacle of his martyrdom of patience. No one came with paw
hesitatingly raised, so that, giving way to a burst of pitying
laughter, I should be forced to deny my own fixed resolution and
go forth earlier than I had intended. No one questioned my right
to go into the house or into the park, just as the spirit moved
me. This was a comfortable condition of things, quieting and full
of the charm of novelty. But as the accustomed incentive was
lacking, I almost ceased to go walking at all. My health suffered
in consequence, and whilst my condition grew to be remarkably like
that of Bashan in his cage, I indulged in the moral reflection that
the fetters of sympathy would have been more conducive to my own
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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