Humorous stories; Short stories, English; Supernatural -- Fiction
“For them, but not for you,” said Clovis; “you would have had an early
and comforting lunch before you started, and you could improve the
occasion by mentioning in detail the items of the missing banquet—the
lobster Newburg and the egg mayonnaise, and the curry that was to have
been heated in a chafing-dish. Agnes Blaik would be delirious long
before you got to the list of wines, and in the long interval of waiting,
before they had quite abandoned hope of the lunch turning up, you could
induce them to play silly games, such as that idiotic one of ‘the Lord
Mayor’s dinner-party,’ in which every one has to choose the name of a
dish and do something futile when it is called out. In this case they
would probably burst into tears when their dish is mentioned. It would
be a heavenly picnic.”
Mrs. Thackenbury was silent for a moment; she was probably making a
mental list of the people she would like to invite to the Duke Humphrey
picnic. Presently she asked: “And that odious young man, Waldo Plubley,
who is always coddling himself—have you thought of anything that one
could do to him?” Evidently she was beginning to see the possibilities
of Nemesis Day.
“If there was anything like a general observance of the festival,” said
Clovis, “Waldo would be in such demand that you would have to bespeak him
weeks beforehand, and even then, if there were an east wind blowing or a
cloud or two in the sky he might be too careful of his precious self to
come out. It would be rather jolly if you could lure him into a hammock
in the orchard, just near the spot where there is a wasps’ nest every
summer. A comfortable hammock on a warm afternoon would appeal to his
indolent tastes, and then, when he was getting drowsy, a lighted fusee
thrown into the nest would bring the wasps out in an indignant mass, and
they would soon find a ‘home away from home’ on Waldo’s fat body. It
takes some doing to get out of a hammock in a hurry.”
“They might sting him to death,” protested Mrs. Thackenbury.
“Waldo is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death,”
said Clovis; “but if you didn’t want to go as far as that, you could have
some wet straw ready to hand, and set it alight under the hammock at the
same time that the fusee was thrown into the nest; the smoke would keep
all but the most militant of the wasps just outside the stinging line,
and as long as Waldo remained within its protection he would escape
serious damage, and could be eventually restored to his mother, kippered
all over and swollen in places, but still perfectly recognisable.”
“His mother would be my enemy for life,” said Mrs. Thackenbury.
“That would be one greeting less to exchange at Christmas,” said Clovis.
THE DREAMER
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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