At the periodical visits of his warders, when his food was brought him,
when he had to clean out his cell or make his bed, or when he was taken
out to exercise, he found himself quite unconsciously speaking to them,
trying to enter into conversation. Silence was the first blow that
struck him. After five days he began to wonder how he was going to
manage five years of it. If it were enforced it would probably send him
mad.
He tried talking to himself, but that frightened him, and the one-sided
conversation soon became brainless. He welcomed the visits of the
chaplain until he found that that official considered it his duty to do
all the talking. And, moreover, he did not want to talk about anything
but the salvation of Rupert’s soul. And as the unfortunate man had for
years been dodging in and out of prison cells like a ferret in and out
of rabbit holes trying to catch souls that were not at home, he had lost
all real interest in the game and had fallen back on quoting texts in an
unconvincing tone of voice. Certainly he called Three-eighty-one his
"dear brother," but Rupert did not believe he meant it, and told him so.
And so the chaplain’s visits were cut short. The doctor was the only
cheery human being in the prison.
At first Rupert was exercised alone; as soon as he joined his gang he
was slowly initiated into the conversation of eyes, lips, and
gestures—the latter by far the most effective and subtle: a movement of
a muscle of the face, the slightest elevation or depression of the
shoulders, the crook of a finger, or even the pretence of stumbling as a
man walked.
The desire to learn this conversation saved him at the critical moment
of his incarceration. Hour after hour as he lay alone in his prison
cell he thought it out, drew imaginary pictures or diagrams on the
floor. Like a dumb man every sense became preternaturally sharpened.
He learnt how to speak with his eyes as well as his lips. He learnt,
too, how to hide his eyes when he was watched or wished to be dumb.
He took an interest in the most extraordinary or trivial things. A
spider spun its web across two bars of the window in his cell. He took
more interest in that spider’s larder than probably did the spider
itself; it was with mingled feelings of joy and horror that he saw the
first fly caught—his feelings were so equally divided between the
miserable captive and the other hungry insect. Once the spider dropped
down with a silken thread right on his foot. Rupert held his breath,
not daring to move a muscle, and he experienced the first thrill since
he had been in prison when the tiny thing eventually crawled up his leg
and ran across his hand!
A day later, when he cleaned out his cell, he was told to wipe away the
spider’s web. He nearly refused, and the tears actually swam in his
eyes as he obeyed.
Under his breath he cursed the warder. Had the man no feelings; was he
indeed a brute in human shape!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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