African Americans -- Fiction; Southern States -- Fiction
Kabnis has stiffened. He is conscious now of the night wind, and
of how it chills him. He rises. He totters as a man would who for
the first time uses artificial limbs. As a completely artificial man
would. The large frame house, squatting on brick pillars, where the
principal of the school, his wife, and the boarding girls sleep, seems
a curious shadow of his mind. He tries, but cannot convince himself
of its reality. His gaze drifts down into the vale, across the swamp,
up over the solid dusk bank of pines, and rests, bewildered-like,
on the court-house tower. It is dull silver in the moonlight. White
child that sleeps upon the top of pines. Kabnis’ mind clears. He sees
himself yanked beneath that tower. He sees white minds, with indolent
assumption, juggle justice and a nigger... Somewhere, far off in
the straight line of his sight, is Augusta. Christ, how cut off from
everything he is. And hours, hours north, why not say a lifetime
north? Washington sleeps. Its still, peaceful streets, how desirable
they are. Its people whom he had always halfway despised. New York?
Impossible. It was a fiction. He had dreamed it. An impotent nostalgia
grips him. It becomes intolerable. He forces himself to narrow to a cabin
silhouetted on a knoll about a mile away. Peace. Negroes within it are
content. They farm. They sing. They love. They sleep. Kabnis wonders if
perhaps they can feel him. If perhaps he gives them bad dreams. Things
are so immediate in Georgia.
Thinking that now he can go to sleep, he re-enters his room. He builds
a fire in the open hearth. The room dances to the tongues of flames,
and sings to the crackling and spurting of the logs. Wind comes up
between the floor boards, through the black cracks of the walls.
Kabnis: Cant sleep. Light a cigarette. If that old bastard comes over
here and smells smoke, I’m done for. Hell of a note, cant even smoke.
The stillness of it: where they burn and hang men, you cant smoke. Cant
take a swig of licker. What do they think this is, anyway, some sort
of temperance school? How did I ever land in such a hole? Ugh. One
might just as well be in his grave. Still as a grave. Jesus, how still
everything is. Does the world know how still it is? People make noise.
They are afraid of silence. Of what lives, and God, of what dies in
silence. There must be many dead things moving in silence. They come
here to touch me. I swear I feel their fingers... Come, Ralph, pull
yourself together. What in hell was that? Only the rustle of leaves, I
guess. You know, Ralph, old man, it wouldnt surprise me at all to see a
ghost. People dont think there are such things. They rationalize their
fear, and call their cowardice science. Fine bunch, they are. Damit,
that was a noise. And not the wind either. A chicken maybe. Hell,
chickens dont wander around this time of night. What in hell is it?
A scraping sound, like a piece of wood dragging over the ground, is
coming near.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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