The faces turned up towards her--most of them honest, good-natured,
cheerful--almost every one of them reminded her of some amusing moment;
an autumn and winter of riding-parties, skating, snow-shoeing, drives,
balls, dinners, concerts; a wild dance over shining ice and drifting
snow, or through a sea of light and music mingled with the ring of
glasses, with laughter and animated talk. Not one of her recollections
had anything unpleasant about it. All stood out clear, brilliant as a
parade of cavalry. A few proposals, amongst others some initiated by
her worthy uncle, had vanished like a crowd of motes. She felt a
grateful happiness for what she had experienced, for every one's
goodness, till the very last moment. It overwhelmed her, it sparkled in
her eyes, it shone in her eager manner, it was communicated to all
those who stood beneath, and to the very flowers she held. But a
feeling of having received too much, far too much, was there the whole
time. Through it all a dread of future emptiness that gave her an
unendurable pang. If only it were over!
The tickets were looked at, the doors shut, she came forward again to
the open window. She held the flowers in one hand, her handkerchief in
the other; she was crying. The youthful figure stood in the window as
though in a frame, her head, with the light hat and veil, leaning out
of it. Why in all the world was such a picture not painted?
Discipline forbade that any one should press forward so long as the
general, the colonel, and the ladies formed a circle; each one remained
in his place. Since those near the window didn't speak, all were
silent. They saw her weeping, saw her bosom heave. _She_ saw them
as in a mist, and it all became painful to her. Could the whole thing
be real?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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