Captains All and OthersJacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Captains All and Others
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
They carried Walter 'ome that way on a hurdle, and Dr. Green spent all
the rest o' that day picking shots out o' them three men and telling 'em
to keep still. He 'ad to do Sam Jones by candle-light, with Mrs. Jones
'olding the candle with one hand and crying with the other. Twice the
doctor told her to keep it steady, and poor Sam 'ad only just passed the
remark, “How 'ot it was for October,” when they discovered that the bed
was on fire. The doctor said that Sam was no trouble. He got off of the
bed by 'imself, and, when it was all over and the fire put out, the
doctor found him sitting on the stairs with the leg of a broken chair in
'is hand calling for 'is wife.
Of course, there was a terrible to-do about it in Claybury, and up at
the Hall, too. All of the gentlemen said as 'ow they hadn't done it, and
Mr. Sutton was arf crazy with rage. He said that they 'ad made 'im the
laughing-stock of the neighbourhood, and that they oughtn't to shoot
with anything but pop-guns. They got to such high words over it that two
of the gentlemen went off 'ome that very night.
There was a lot of talk up at the _Cauliflower_, too, and more than one
pointed out 'ow lucky Bob Pretty was in getting four men out of the six
in his club. As I said afore, Bob was away at the time, but he came back
the next night and we 'ad the biggest row here you could wish for to
see.
Henery Walker began it. “I s'pose you've 'eard the dreadful news, Bob
Pretty?” he ses, looking at 'im.
“I 'ave,” ses Bob; “and my 'art bled for 'em. I told you wot those
gentlemen was like, didn't I? But none of you would believe me. Now you
can see as I was right.”
“It's very strange,” ses Henery Walker, looking round; “it's very
strange that all of us wot's been shot belonged to Bob Pretty's precious
club.”
“It's my luck, Henery,” ses Bob, “always was lucky from a child.”
“And I s'pose you think you're going to 'ave arf of the money they get?”
ses Henery Walker.
“Don't talk about money while them pore chaps is suffering,” ses Bob.
“I'm surprised at you, Henery.”
“You won't 'ave a farthing of it,” ses Henery Walker; “and wot's more,
Bob Pretty, I'm going to 'ave my five pounds back.”
“Don't you believe it, Henery,” ses Bob, smiling at 'im.
“I'm going to 'ave my five pounds back,” ses Henery, “_and you know
why_. I know wot your club was for now, and we was all a pack o' silly
fools not to see it afore.”
“Speak for yourself, Henery,” ses John Biggs, who thought Henery was
looking at 'im.
“I've been putting two and two together,” ses Henery, looking round,
“and it's as plain as the nose on your face. Bob Pretty hid up in the
wood and shot us all himself!”
For a moment you might 'ave heard a pin drop, and then there was such a
noise nobody could hear theirselves speak. Everybody was shouting his
'ardest, and the on'y quiet one there was Bob Pretty 'imself.
“Poor Henery; he's gorn mad,” he ses, shaking his 'ead.
“You're a murderer,” ses Ralph Thomson, shaking 'is fist at him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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