American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
He greatly dared. He opened his eyes. And drifting lazily above the
white pillow at the head of the bed was another puff of smoke.
He rocked back and forth upon the bed, with his arms up as if to shield
his head from a physical blow, and then he passed in a moment from the
quakings of fear to a kind of still certainty of doom. God was angry at
him. God was telling him so. God would send the devil for him. There
was no further doubt. He would go to hell--to hell! To burn forever!
Forever--even as the old woman had burned for a quarter of an hour. He
began to search through the pages of the Bible again, not for words of
comfort this time, but in a morbid ecstasy of despair, for phrases about
hell, for verses that mentioned fire and flames.
He did not need the concordance. He knew his Bible well, and his fear
helped him. Consciousness and subconsciousness joined to guide his
fingers and eyes in the quest.
“Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming,” he
read in Isaiah, and he took it to himself.
“Yea, I will gather you, and blow upon you in the fire of my wrath, and
ye shall be melted in the midst thereof,” he read in Ezekiel.
He had a literal imagination, and he had a literal belief, and at every
repetition of the word “fire” the flesh cringed and crawled on his
bones. God! To burn! How it must hurt!
“And the God that answereth by fire, let Him be God,” met his eyes in
the first book of Kings.
And it all meant him. Now and then over his shoulder would float another
little puff of smoke; and once, lifting his head suddenly from poring
over the book, he thought he saw something that moved and glinted like a
traveling spark, and was gone.
He began to feel himself in hell already. This was the foretaste, that
was all. Would he begin to burn even before he died? Did this smoke
presage something of that kind? Would flames physically seize upon him,
and would he burn, even as the old woman had burned?
Suddenly in his hysteria there came a revulsion--a revolt. Having
reached the nethermost depths of despair, he began to move upward a
little. His soul stirred and took a step and tried to climb. He began to
pray once more. After all, the Good Book did promise mercy! He began to
dare to pray again. And he prayed in a whisper that now and then broke
into a whine--a strange prayer, characteristic of the man.
“Oh, God,” he cried, “you promise forgiveness in that book there, and
I'm gonna hold you to it! I'm gonna hold you to it! It's down there in
black and white, your own words, God, and I'm gonna hold you to it! It's
a contract, God, and you ain't the kind of a man, God, to go back on a
contract that's down in black and white!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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