'With whom,' she said, 'do you go out painting when I'm not here?
Every Jack seems to have his own Jill in Barbizon.'
'And don't they everywhere else? It would be damned dull without.'
'Do you think it would? Have you always got a Jill?'
'I've been down in my luck lately.'
Mildred laughed.
'Which of the women here has the most talent?'
'Perhaps Miss Laurence. But Miss Clive does a nice thing
occasionally.'
'What do you think of Miss Turner's work?'
'It's pretty good. She has talent. She had two pictures in the Salon
last year.'
Mildred bit her lips. 'Have you ever been out with her?'
'Yes, but why do you ask?'
'Because I think she likes you. She looked very miserable when she
heard that we were going out together. Just as if she were going to
cry. If I thought I was making another person unhappy I would sooner
give you--give up the pleasure of going out with you.'
'And what about me? Don't I count for anything?'
'I must not do a direct wrong to another. Each of us has a path to
walk in, and if we deviate from our path we bring unhappiness upon
ourselves and upon others.'
Morton stopped and looked at her, his stolid childish stare made her
laugh, and it made her like him.
'I wonder if I am selfish?' said Mildred reflectively. 'Sometimes I
think I am, sometimes I think I am not. I've suffered so much, my life
has been all suffering. There's no heart left in me for anything. I
wonder what will become of me. I often think I shall commit suicide.
Or I might go into a convent.'
'You'd much better commit suicide than go into a convent. Those poor
devils of nuns! as if there wasn't enough misery in this world. We are
certain of the misery, and if we give up the pleasures, I should like
to know where we are.'
Each had been so interested in the other that they had seen nothing
else. But now the road led through an open space where every tree was
torn and broken; Mildred stopped to wonder at the splintered trunks;
and out of the charred spectre of a great oak crows flew and settled
among the rocks, in the fissures of a rocky hill.
'But you're not going to ask me to climb those rocks,' said Mildred.
'There are miles and miles of rocks. It is like a landscape by
Salvator Rosa.'
'Climb that hill! you couldn't. I'll wait until our cobbler has made
you a pair of boots. But isn't that desolate region of blasted oaks
and sundered rocks wonderful? You find everything in the forest. In a
few minutes I shall show you some lovely underwood.'
And they had walked a very little way when he stopped and said: 'Don't
you call that beautiful?' and, leaning against the same tree, Morton
and Mildred looked into the dreamy depth of a summer wood. The trunks
of the young elms rose straight, and through the pale leafage the
sunlight quivered, full of the impulse of the morning. The ground was
thick with grass and young shoots.... Something ran through the grass,
paused, and then ran again.
'What is that?' Mildred asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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