know when a sailor is not a sailor?--when he's a-_board_: or to be bored with a door's being a-_jar_, and a man a-_shaving_. [Illustration] The rich cake is soon a ruin; so much is every part of it relished, that one young gentleman has consumed the head and shoulders of Madame Alboni, under a delusion of her being sugar, and not "plaster of parish," as Mrs. Brown afterwards said it was. The little fellows soon get very mirthful on the ginger-wine; keeping up a continual buzz, like a colony of bees, sadly itching to be at something--a wish that is not to be realized at once, for little Miss Newsoince is going to do that eternal tattoo, the "_Rataplan_:"--yes, there she is, in Tom's felt-hat and polonaise, as "_La Vivandiere_," thumping upon an empty band-box with two knitting-pins, singing, as some of the mammas say, very prettily; but as the boys, who have heard it many times before, designate it "a jolly bother!"--"a great big shame!"--"a precious dummy set out!"--and so on,--there being no _fun_ in it. This hum-drum over, a great cry is raised for _Forfeits_!--and a desire that _a lady_ should _go out in a very great hurry_, as it would appear, almost in a state of destitution; for every young lady and gentleman proffers to stand for some article of dress. Having settled what they will give, all sit round upon chairs, ready to hear the _lady's_ demands:--spin goes the trencher, and she wants her _Stockings_!--forward fly the hose, personated by a little fellow, with mottled legs, who had never stood in other than socks, but for all that can catch the revolving waiter, look slyly at _Bonnet_, make him think it his turn, and impudently call out "_Cap!_!"--so _Bonnet_ and _Cap_ knock head to head, tumble on the trencher, and get fined. _Bonnet_ shouts "_Boots!_"--_Boots_ begets "_Bustle!_"--and _Bustle_ begets a grand stir, by calling "_Double Toilet!_"--causing the whole wardrobe to leap from every chair, in every direction, a general confusion,--in which the _Boa_ slips off his seat, and forfeits a twenty-bladed knife. The _Boa_, spinning the tray again, calls "_Muff!_"--who, not being on the alert, arrives when the waiter has wabbled its last, so the _Muff_ has to pay a forfeit; but having nothing eligible upon his person, is found a substitute, in a very ugly China pug-dog, afterwards called "_a very pretty thing_" by Miss Angelina to Miss Jemima, who awarded the penalties, like a blind Justice saying her prayers, passing sentence, in the lap of the judge, who demands--"_Here's a pretty thing, a very pretty thing; and what is the owner of this very pretty thing to be done to?_" [Illustration: HERE'S A LADY GOING OUT, IN A VERY GREAT HURRY, AND SHE WANTS-- A DOUBLE TOILET!]