As to these small matters, and as to many large ones, I was dear Isola’s
cardinal opposite. She would make, for most men, a far better wife than
I should; although she will never love with a tenth part of the
intensity. She can’t even hate like me. When I hate, I loathe and
abhor. I never hate any one lightly, and hardly ever am reconciled, or
suppress it. Isola talks about hating, but has never learned what it
means. Spite she can carry, and nurse like a doll, and count it a minor
virtue, albeit she cannot be sulky; hate is too heavy a burden. Scorn,
which is with women the hate of things beneath them, Isola hardly knows.
Perhaps she will learn it when her knowledge of the world narrows and
condenses, as with most women it does.
Another great difference there is between Isola and me. Although she
never would think of deceiving any one seriously, and would on no
account tell a downright malicious lie, yet she is not so particular
about telling little fibs, or at any rate colouring matters so highly
that others are misled. This she can justify to herself in a charming
warm-hearted way. And yet she rarely makes mischief. Her departures
are half unconscious, and always arise from good will.
"And so now, Clara dear," concluded the senior sophist, "as Conrad has
owned all the dog so long, it is my turn to own every bit of him for an
equal period, and I must pay you half a crown a week for his keep, and
half a guinea for doctoring him so well."
I was much inclined to take her at her word, it would have been such a
surprise. But what a disgrace to Giudice and to me!
"Oh Donna," she continued, "you have no idea how fond dear Conny is of
you. I am getting so jealous. He thinks much more of you than he does
of me."
I bent over my drawing with more carmine on my cheeks than was on the
palette. What folly to be sure! And Isola would come round in front.
"Why don’t you answer me, Clara? Did you ever know such a shame? Well,
I do believe you like being admired every bit as much as I do, in spite
of all your sublimity. Why there comes Conny himself;" and to my great
relief she stepped into the balcony. "I thought so. I knew the ring of
his heel. He will wear such clumsy boots, though his foot is as pretty
as mine. I always know his step, and so does Judy."
Alas! and so do I. How weak and paltry of me, with a life like mine
before me!
"I will go and open the door," cries his sister; "how rude he is to come
when you are so busy, Clara."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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