England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- England -- Fiction
combined deeply and strongly to impress the horrible conviction on
the mind, that this poor creature, in spite of all assumptions and
decorations to the contrary, was a _very poor_, worn-out, deplorable
creature indeed! It forced upon the spectator something like the idea
of a death's head endeavouring to be merry,--a skull fitted with glass
eyes, and covered with a thin painted mask of parchment, striving to
laugh and look happy, in order to be consistent with the laughter and
the happiness around it. Add to this the hollow faint voice,--(the mere
echo of the sound it once had been,)--pumped up from lungs that seemed
to have lost all power,--to have decayed until scarcely any portion
remained,--and we shall feel impressed, as Colin was, with a fearful,
almost a terrible, sense of the poor uses to which humanity is sometimes
put, and of the deep wretchedness often existing among those whose
occupation in life is to _look_ gay, whatever they may feel.
In truth, consumption was feeding on her, seemingly deep and
irremediable. Yet she struggled on: what else could she? Still she
strove, still fulfilled her occupation every night, still sung, still
tried to look merry, although her heart was all out of heart, and
her bosom was filled with fear and anxiety from the dread sense of
approaching death--too surely at hand--and she unprepared! Perhaps to
come to her on that very stage,--perhaps _then!_ And all this to gain a
morsel of daily bread!
Although reflections of this nature crowded on Colin's mind in a heavy
throng, as he gazed on the poor made-up form before him, still he could
not entirely free himself from the impression which her appearance had
previously produced upon him. That which was artificial, and affected
to others, was not so to his perceptions, for his inexperience would not
allow him to see it. The appearance of modesty was to him real modesty;
of grace, was grace; of lightheartedness and joy, as real as though a
single care had never entered that bosom since the day it first stemmed
the rude tide of the world. And as for the rest,--just as with every
other imperfection which may exist in the object of any lover's
hopes--so was it with hers. Through familiarity they were soon
overlooked; and, like the shadows on the moon, though they chequered,
they did not extinguish the general light.
At the conclusion of the performance Mr. Wintlebury borrowed ten
shillings of Colin,--promising to pay him again as soon as he could get
into work,--and they parted for the evening. Our hero returned to his
humble bed in Mrs. Popple's garret, to pass a restless night amidst
strangely-mingled visions of tavern concerts and beautiful singing
ladies.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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