Conrad in Quest of His Youth: An Extravagance of TemperamentMerrick, Leonard
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Conrad in Quest of His Youth: An Extravagance of Temperament
Merrick, Leonard
Theater -- Great Britain -- Fiction
At six in the morning he was to be at the station--the next morning but
one. The train reaches Rouen at an earlier hour now, but the service
was a tidal one twenty years ago. When she had scanned the letter
neither of them spoke for--it seemed a long time to him. They had
crossed the road into the Solférino Garden, and he stood beside her
with his hands thrust in his jacket pockets, staring at the little lake.
"So we shall soon be saying 'good-bye,'" she said at last.
He nodded miserably. "To-morrow evening about nine o'clock," he said.
"Why so early?"
"Have you forgotten you're going to a dance with Miss McGuire to-morrow
night? _I_ didn't forget; I thought of it directly I saw the date.
What time shall you begin to dress?"
"You don't know me very well, Con, after all," she murmured.
His heart leapt; he pretended not to understand what she meant.
"Don't I?" he asked; "why not?"
"How could you think I'd go out on your last night here?" she answered.
"You won't go? ... Oh, Mrs. Adaile!"
And as they moved away under the horse-chestnut blossom, it was less
dreadful to him that he was going to leave her.
Why did she do it? It could not have been to test her power over him;
it could not have been to wound him wantonly. Who shall say why she
did it! A woman is often unable to define her motive to herself. Two
men came into the hotel after dinner--acquaintances both--and she
became engrossed by them, and sent up little peals of laughter, and
seemed to like their admiration, which was presumptuously barefaced.
He sat tongue-tied in a corner, unwittingly providing equal
entertainment for other women in the room. Though she knew he was
suffering, she threw no glance to him. And that evening the boy
entered on another stage--the stage of jealousy.
The fires of jealousy are always horrible, and there is none they
ravage more fiercely than the lad whose torture the world finds comic.
There is none, because no man, nor woman, nor young girl in such a
pass, is so totally defenceless as a lad; to none other than a lad,
when his love is outraged, does nature forbid even the resource of
simulated dignity. His torments are intensified by the knowledge of
his ineptitude. Always present is the thought that he ought to adopt
an attitude which he is too raw to discover, and he is prostrated in
perceiving that beside his glib rival he looks ridiculous and a lout.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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