Of chief marshal of the Kossuth procession; Of county surveyor (duties done by proxy); Of assistant marshal for the census; Of assistant assessor; Of pilot commissioner; Of librarian of the Archæological Institute; Of messenger in the State House; Of head of the lamplighting bureau in the City Hall; Of ticket-seller at the Coliseum; Of lecturer for the Free Trade League; Of trustee of the Protectionist Fund; Of secretary to the Board of Health; Of auditor of the Alabama claims; Of secretary to the commissioners at Vienna; Of clerk to the inspectors of Ward 2; Or whatever other function might prove to need a functionary. Indeed, the Messrs. Plaice soon persuaded themselves that he had special fitness, in turn, for any and all posts which fell vacant:-- For inspector of fish, because his father went on a mackerel voyage when he was a boy. For toll-keeper of the Potomac bridge, because his mother was of a misanthropic turn of mind. For firewarden, because he was blown up with gunpowder when he was a child. And with each rebuff in Mr. John Sapp's line of applications, his uncles were the more indignant for the ingratitude of the world. So was Mr. Sapp; but none the less did he push his traverses towards the works of what he called the common enemy. He was at one time urging his claims to be employed inspector of Orange Peel, as it was found on sidewalks,--a post for which he was specially fitted, because a boy with whom he went to school was our consul at Fayal. Some one who met him said, very unkindly, that John Sapp's life seemed to be a very easy one; and the phrase came to John's ears. "Easy?" said he. "I should like to know what is hard. This fellow thinks all you have to do is to ask to be appointed Inspector of Orange Peel, and then to begin to draw the salary. Shows what he knows of our business. "Now see; this inspector is appointed by the county commissioners. Have to find out who they are. Make no mistake. Get the names right first,--all the letters right. William Claflin and Tennie Claflin's husband not the same man,--very different men. Then find out their friends,--where they go to church, who's the minister, who's the doctor, what bank they're in, and so on. Then find out who knows the friends. See? "Then begin. Speak first to John Jones at the barber's or post-office quite accidentally. Get John Jones to give you letter--see?--to introduce you to David Dodder. See? Simple letter,--general letter. 'Friend Mr. Sapp,--little matter of business.' Then call on David Dodder--see?--after dinner, when he's good-natured. Ask him to introduce you to William Belcher,--'important matter of business, necessary for public benefit.' See? Then go to William Belcher,--best coat on, clean shirt, shaved on purpose,--and ask him for letter of introduction to county commissioners,--knows 'em all,--see?--something like this:--