Cynthia: With an Introduction by Maurice Hewlett — John Shaqi
Cynthia: With an Introduction by Maurice HewlettMerrick, Leonard
General
Cynthia: With an Introduction by Maurice Hewlett
Merrick, Leonard
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Novelists -- Fiction
"Baby, you silly! Have you thought of a name? _I_ have!"
He was still wishing that she had a sense of humour and occasionally
made a witty remark.
"What?" he asked.
"Yours. I want to call him 'Humphrey.' What do you say to it?"
"What for? It's ugly. You said so the first time you heard it. I think
we might choose something better than that."
"But it's yours," she persisted. "I want him called by your name--I
do, I do!" She held his hand tightly, and her lips trembled. "If ...
if I were ever to lose you, Humphrey, I should like our child to have
your name. Don't laugh at me, I can't help feeling that. That night
when he was born--oh, that night! shall I ever forget it?--and Dr.
Roberts looked across at me and said, 'Well, you have a little son come
to see you, Mrs. Kent,' the first thing I thought was, 'We can call
him "Humphrey."' I wanted to say it to you when they let you in, but
I couldn't, I was so tired; I thought it instead. When nurse brought
him over to me, or when he cried, or when I saw him moving under the
blanket in the bassinet, I thought, 'There's my other Humphrey!'"
He kissed her, and sat staring at the fire, his conscience clamorous.
He had not realised that he had grown so dear to her, and the discovery
made his own dissatisfaction crueller. He felt a thankless brute, a
beast. It seemed to him momentarily that the situation would be much
less painful if the disappointment were mutual--if she, too, were
discontented with the bargain she had made. To listen to her speaking
in such a way, to accept her devotion, knowing how little devotion she
inspired in return, stabbed him. He asked himself what he had done that
she should love him so fondly. He had not openly neglected her, but
secretly he had done it often, and with relief. Had she missed him when
he had shut himself in his room, not to write, but to wish that he had
never met her? His mind smote him.
The question obtruded itself during the following days, but now at
least his plea of being busy was always genuine enough; he was writing
fiercely. The pile of manuscript to which he added sheet after sheet
was heavy and thick. Then there came a morning when he went to bed at
three, and rose again at eight, to begin his final chapter, having
told the servant to bring him a sandwich and a glass of claret for
luncheon. When one o'clock struck, and she entered, tobacco had left
him with no appetite and a furred tongue. He threw a "thank you" at
her, and remained in the same bent attitude, his pen traversing the
paper steadily. He was working with an exaltation which rarely seized
him, the exaltation with which the novelist is depicted in fiction as
working all the time. His aspect was untidy enough for him to have
served as an admirable model for that personage. He had not shaved for
three days, and a growth of stubbly beard intensified the haggardness
that came of insufficient sleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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