She gloomily reviews the mistakes of her earlier life. She had been
restricted in nature to the attentions of a few men. She had found her
lord and master. The sublime selfishness of human pride had driven her
on the rocks of destruction. This she can now charge to herself. Had
she sufficiently valued David Lockwin; had she counseled him to live
for himself, to study those inclinations which she secretly understood
and never encouraged--had she begged him to turn student rather than to
court politics and popularity--then she might yet have had him with her.
The heavy bell of sorrow clangs loudly upon this article of her pride,
ambition and lack of address to the true interests of her dead lord.
"Davy would not have died if politics had not been in the way. And
then that dreadful fever! That month of vigil! How strangely he spoke
in his delirium! How lonesome he was! How he begged for a companion
to share his grief! Oh, David! David! David! Come back! Come back!
Let me lay my head on your true heart and tell you how I love you. Let
me tell you how I honor you above all men! You who had so much love
for a foundling--oh, God bless you! Keep you in heaven for me!
Forgive the hard heart of a foolish woman whose love was so slow!
Come, holy spirit, heavenly dove, with all thy quickening power! Our
Father, which art in heaven, which art in heaven!"
The knolling of the heavy bell grows softer. The paroxysm passes.
Religion, the early refuge of the sex--the early refuge, too, of the
higher types of the masculine sex--this solace has lit the taper of
hope, the taper of hope that emits the brighter ray.
Esther Lockwin will meet her lord again. She will dwell with him where
the clouds of pride and ambition do not obscure the path of duty.
She who a half hour ago could not live on must now live at all cost.
She has other labors. She must visit the portrait painter's to-day.
She would that the gifted orator might be portrayed as standing before
the immense audiences which used to greet his voice, but it cannot be
done. She must be contented with the posthumous portraits which
forever gratify and disturb the lovers of the dead.
It is a day's labor done. The portrait will be praised on all hands,
but it has not come without previous failures and despairs.
To return to the house out of which the light has gone--how Esther
Lockwin dreads that nightly torment! Shall she linger at the parental
home? Is it not the bitterer to feel that here the selfish life grew
to the full? Is it not worse than sorrow to discover in this abode the
same influences of estrangement? What is David Lockwin in the old home?
A dead man, to be forgotten as soon as possible!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account