Humorous stories; Reporters and reporting -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
“You will write everything, won’t you, Dawn dear?” Norah had pleaded,
with tears in her pretty eyes. “Promise me. We’ve been nearer to each
other in these last few months than we have been since we were girls.
And I’ve loved it so. Please don’t do as you did during those miserable
years in New York, when you were fighting your troubles alone and we
knew nothing of it. You wrote only the happy things. Promise me you’ll
write the unhappy ones too—though the saints forbid that there should
be any to write! And Dawn, don’t you dare to forget your heavy
underwear in November. Those lake breezes!—Well, some one has to tell
you, and I can’t leave those to Von Gerhard. He has promised to act as
monitor over your health.”
And so I promised. I crammed my letters with descriptions of the Knapf
household. I assured her that I was putting on so much weight that the
skirts which formerly hung about me in limp, dejected folds now refused
to meet in the back, and all the hooks and eyes were making faces at
each other. My cheeks, I told her, looked as if I were wearing
plumpers, and I was beginning to waddle and puff as I walked.
Norah made frantic answer:
“For mercy’s sake child, be careful or you’ll be FAT!”
To which I replied: “Don’t care if I am. Rather be hunky and healthy
than skinny and sick. Have tried both.”
It is impossible to avoid becoming round-cheeked when one is working on
a paper that allows one to shut one’s desk and amble comfortably home
for dinner at least five days in the week. Everybody is at least plump
in this comfortable, gemutlich town, where everybody placidly locks his
shop or office and goes home at noon to dine heavily on soup and meat
and vegetables and pudding, washed down by the inevitable beer and
followed by forty winks on the dining room sofa with the German Zeitung
spread comfortably over the head as protection against the flies.
There is a fascination about the bright little city. There is about it
something quaint and foreign, as though a cross-section of the old
world had been dumped bodily into the lap of Wisconsin. It does not
seem at all strange to hear German spoken everywhere—in the streets, in
the shops, in the theaters, in the street cars. One day I chanced upon
a sign hung above the doorway of a little German bakery over on the
north side. There were Hornchen and Kaffeekuchen in the windows, and a
brood of flaxen-haired and sticky children in the back of the shop. I
stopped, open-mouthed, to stare at the worn sign tacked over the door.
“Hier wird Englisch gesprochen,” it announced.
I blinked. Then I read it again. I shut my eyes, and opened them again
suddenly. The fat German letters spoke their message as before—“English
spoken here.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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