The square lay sunless and stifling. Unsuspecting foreigners sat in
front of the cafés, or stood among the pigeons in front of the church
and watched the swarms of birds flapping their wings, crowding one
another, and pecking at grains of corn offered them in open palms. The
recluse was feverishly excited, triumphant in his possession of the
truth. But it had left him with a bad taste in his mouth, and a weird
horror in his heart. As he walked up and down the flagstones of the
gorgeous court he was weighing an action which would meet the situation
and would absolve him. This evening after dinner he could approach the
woman with the pearls and make her a speech; he had figured it out word
for word: "Permit a foreigner, madam, to give you some useful advice, a
warning, which is being withheld from you through self-interest. Leave
immediately with Tadzio and your daughters! Venice is full of the
plague." Then he could lay a farewell hand on the head of this tool of a
mocking divinity, turn away, and flee this morass. But he felt at the
same time that he was very far from seriously desiring such a move. He
would retract it, would disengage himself from it. . . . But when we are
distracted we loathe most the thought of retracing our steps. He
recalled a white building, ornamented with inscriptions which glistened
in the evening and in whose transparent mysticism his mind's eye had
lost itself--and then that strange wanderer's form which had awakened in
the aging man the roving hankerings of youth after the foreign and the
remote. And the thought of return, the thought of prudence and
soberness, effort, mastery, disgusted him to such an extent that his
face was distorted with an expression of physical nausea. "It must be
kept silent!" he whispered heavily. And: "I will keep silent!" The
consciousness of his share in the facts and the guilt intoxicated him,
much as a little wine intoxicates a tired brain. The picture of the
diseased and neglected city hovering desolately before him aroused vague
hopes beyond the bounds of reason, but with an egregious sweetness. What
was the scant happiness he had dreamed of a moment ago, compared with
these expectations? What were art and virtue worth to him, over against
the advantages of chaos? He kept silent, and remained in Venice.
This same night he had a frightful dream, if one can designate as a
dream a bodily and mental experience which occurred to him in the
deepest sleep, completely independent of him, and with a physical
realness, although he never saw himself present or moving about among
the incidents; but their stage rather was his soul itself, and they
broke in from without, trampling down his resistance--a profound and
spiritual resistance--by sheer force; and when they had passed through,
they left his substance, the culture of his lifetime, crushed and
annihilated behind them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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