On some natures again the expectation of others acts as a stimulus, the
force of which is quite incalculable. It spurs a natural humility into
fixed resolution and self-reliance; turns sloth into energy, earnestness
into action, and goads diffidence up the hill of achievement. It has
been truly said, that "those who trust us educate us." Perhaps it might
be added that those who believe in us make or destroy us.
If John, who was perfectly aware of the enthusiastic or grudging
expectations that others had formed of him, had not as yet fallen into
either of these two extremes, it was probably because what others might
happen to think or not think concerning him was of little moment to him,
and had no power to sway him either way.
The thing of all others that puzzled John's staunchest adherents was
their inability to fix him in any one set of opinions, social,
political, or religious. Many after Mr. Goodwin tried and failed. For
John's great wealth and position, besides the native force of character
of which even as a very young man he gave signs, and an openness of mind
which encouraged while it ought to have disheartened proselytism, all
these attributes had made him an object of interest and importance,
which would have ruined a more self-conscious man. As it was, he
listened, got to the bottom of the subject, whatever it might be, never
left it till he had probed it to the uttermost, and then went his way.
He marched out of every mental prison he could be temporarily lured
into. He would go boldly into any that interested him, but locks and
bars would not hold him directly he did not wish to stay there any
longer.
Mr. Goodwin hoped against hope that John would see the error of his
ways, and "come back"; that, according to his mode of expressing
himself, the pride of the intellect might be broken, and John might one
day be moved to return from the desert and husks and the sw----
philosophy of free thought to his father's home. He said something of
the kind one day to John, and was astonished at the sudden flame that
leapt into the young man's eyes as he silently took up his hat and went
out.
The one thing of all others which the Mr. Goodwins of this world are
incapable of discerning, is that to leave an outgrown form of faith is
in itself an act of faith almost beyond the strength of shrinking human
frailty. To bury a dead belief is hard. They regard it invariably as a
voluntary desertion, not of their form of religion, but of religion
itself for private ends, or from a sense of irksomeness. Mr. Goodwin had
reproachfully suggested that John had got into "a bad set" at Oxford,
and was in the habit of mixing in "doubtful society" in London. Those
whose surroundings have moulded them attribute all mental changes in
others to a superficial and generally an entirely inadequate influence
such as would have had power to affect themselves.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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