Golf stories, English; Golfers -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
Golfers--and I stretch this term to include the Wrecking Crew--are a
highly imitative race. The spectacle of a flubber flubbing ahead of us
on the fairway inclines to make us flub as well; and, conversely, it
is immediately after we have seen a magnificent shot that we are apt
to eclipse ourselves. Consciously the Grave-Digger had no notion how
Chester had made that superb brassie-biff of his, but all the while I
suppose his subconscious self had been taking notes. At any rate, on
this one occasion he, too, did the shot of a lifetime. As he opened
his eyes, which he always shut tightly at the moment of impact, and
started to unravel himself from the complicated tangle in which his
follow-through had left him, he perceived the ball breasting the hill
like some untamed jack-rabbit of the Californian prairie.
For a moment his only emotion was one of dream-like amazement. He
stood looking at the ball with a wholly impersonal wonder, like a man
suddenly confronted with some terrific work of Nature. Then, as a
sleep-walker awakens, he came to himself with a start. Directly in
front of the flying ball was a man bending to make an approach-shot.
Chester, always a concentrated golfer when there was a man’s work to
do, had scarcely heard the crack of the brassie behind him. Certainly
he had paid no attention to it. His whole mind was fixed on his stroke.
He measured with his eye the distance to the pin, noted the down-slope
of the green, and shifted his stance a little to allow for it. Then,
with a final swift waggle, he laid his club-head behind the ball and
slowly raised it. It was just coming down when the world became full of
shouts of “Fore!” and something hard smote him violently on the seat of
his plus-fours.
The supreme tragedies of life leave us momentarily stunned. For an
instant which seemed an age Chester could not understand what had
happened. True, he realised that there had been an earthquake, a
cloud-burst, and a railway accident, and that a high building had
fallen on him at the exact moment when somebody had shot him with a
gun, but these happenings would account for only a small part of his
sensations. He blinked several times, and rolled his eyes wildly. And
it was while rolling them that he caught sight of the gesticulating
Wrecking Crew on the lower slopes and found enlightenment.
Simultaneously, he observed his ball only a yard and a half from where
it had been when he addressed it.
Chester Meredith gave one look at his ball, one look at the flag, one
look at the Wrecking Crew, one look at the sky. His lips writhed, his
forehead turned vermilion. Beads of perspiration started out on his
forehead. And then, with his whole soul seething like a cistern struck
by a thunderbolt, he spoke.
“!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” cried Chester.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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