“No, mother, I haven’t. I have refused him, and he is going away as
soon as Mr. Maynard comes.” She sat looking at the window, and the
tears stole into her eyes, and blurred the sea and sky together where
she saw their meeting at the horizon line.
“Well,” said her mother, “their that is the end of it, I presume.”
“Yes, that’s the end,” said Grace. “But—I felt sorry for him, mother.
Once,” she went on, “I thought I had everything clear before me; but
now I seem only to have made confusion of my life. Yes,” she added
drearily, “it was foolish and wicked, and it was perfectly useless,
too. I can’t escape from the consequences of what I did. It makes no
difference what he believed or any one believed. I drove them on to
risk their lives because I thought myself so much better than they;
because I was self-righteous and suspicious and stubborn. Well, I must
bear the penalty: and oh, if I could only bear it alone!” With a long
sigh she took back the burden which she had been struggling to cast
off, and from which for a time she had actually seemed to escape. She
put away her hat and shawl, and stood before the glass, smoothing her
hair. “When will it ever end?” she moaned to the reflection there,
rather than to her mother, who did not interrupt this spiritual ordeal.
In another age, such a New England girl would have tortured herself
with inquisition as to some neglected duty to God;—in ours, when
religion is so largely humanified, this Puritan soul could only wreak
itself in a sense of irreparable wrong to her fellow-creature.
When she went out she met Miss Gleason half-way down the corridor to
Mrs. Maynard’s door. The latter had a book in her hand, and came
forward whispering. “She’s _asleep_,” she said very sibilantly. “I have
read her to sleep, and she’s sleeping beautifully. Have you ever read
it?” she asked, with hoarse breaks from her undertone, as she held up
one of those cheap library-editions of a novel toward Grace.
“Jane Eyre? Why, of course. Long ago.”
“So have I,” said Miss Gleason. “But I sent and got it again, to
refresh my impressions of Rochester. We all think Dr. Mulbridge is just
like him. Rochester is my ideal character,—a perfect conception of a
man: so abrupt, so rough, so savage. Oh, I like those men! Don’t you?”
she fluted. “Mrs. Maynard sees the resemblance, as well as the rest of
us. But I know! You don’t approve of them. I suppose they _can’t_ be
defended on some grounds; but I can see how, even in such a case as
this, the perfect mastery of the man-physician constitutes the highest
usefulness of the woman-physician. The advancement of women must be as
women. ‘Male and female created he them,’ and it is only in remembering
this that we are helping Gawd, whether as an anthropomorphic conception
or a universally pervading instinct of love, don’t you think?”
With her novel clapped against her breast, she leaned winningly over
toward Grace, and fixed her with her wide eyes, which had rings of
white round the pupils.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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