Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘I do it quite often.’
Now she was going to tell him something she had never meant to tell him.
She could not stop herself. As if he were expecting it, he turned his
face to hers, and waited.
‘I saw you once when I was bathing. It was before we met again. You were
in a canoe, alone, and I knew it was you. I watched you go past.’
‘I know you did.’
‘You----?’
‘I saw you,’ he said.
She was paralysed; and of the questions which flooded her mind not one
could be spoken.
She lifted her eyes and saw his weighing on her, making her answer him,
with something heavy and fixed, dazed almost, at the back of their clear
shining. She gazed back; and in a moment was lost, sinking in timeless
soundless darkness and clinging to his eyes while she drowned.
It was all over in the duration of two or three heavy heart beats: and
then they were standing together aimlessly, shivering in wet
bathing-suits and Martin came all streaming and fresh from the water and
broke in upon them with cheerful upbraidings.
They parted from her with happy thanks and friendly looks, and Roddy
said that some day he would come and spend a whole afternoon in the
library if he might; and then instead of the casual: ‘See you again
soon’ which she dreaded, they gave her a specific invitation to a picnic
in two days’ time.
That had been the last time.
It was a day without sun. The muffled light fell all day across the
countryside as if through faintly shining bluish glass; and beneath it
the spring held itself withdrawn and still, as unchanging as a picture.
Around the gentle green of the picnic meadow was the wild and ardent
green of the little hedge; and here and there across the hedge, the
blackthorn flung great scatters of frail-spun snow. Beyond the meadow
the larch copse was lit all over with plumes of green fire; and upon its
fringes, pure against the dim purple-brown of its tangled trunks, a
stripling tree or so sprinkled its fresh leaves out upon the darkness
like a swarm of green moths arrested in flight. Everywhere was the
lavish, pouring green, smouldering and weighed-down with the ache of
life, and quiet, quiet, turned inward upon itself and consuming its own
heart. Everywhere the white blossom, as it rose, freed itself lightly
from its roots in earth’s pangs of passion and contemplation, and,
floating upon the air, kept but one secret, which was beauty, paid no
heed, gave no sign.
Roddy lay with his head in the moss, sniffing at primroses, nibbling
grasses, teasing Martin under his breath, watching them all with
half-closed eyes.
Everyone was quiet and happy; all the peevishness was gone, all the
tension smoothed out. The cigarette smoke curled in patterns into the
still air; and now and again the Spring stirred, shook out a long breath
of blossom and leaf and wet earth; and then was tranced again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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