“I will forfeit my head if you are not wrong,” exclaimed a dull and warm orator, to the president Montesquieu, in an argument. “I accept it,” replied the philosopher: “any trifle among friends has a value.” MILITARY ZEAL. One of the king’s soldiers, in the Civil War, being full of zeal and liquor, staggered against a church; and, clapping the wall of it repeatedly with his hand, hiccupped out,--“D--n you, you old b--h, I’ll stand by you to the last!” SAVING ONE’S BACON. A boy, who had not returned after the holidays to Winchester school, which the master charged him to do, came back at last loaded with a fine ham, as a bribe to the master, who took the ham, but flogged the lad, and told him, “You may give my compliments to your mother for the ham, but I assure you it shall not save your bacon.” BUILDING CASTLES IN THE AIR. During the Civil War, some persons of the royal party having mixed with the republicans in company, were talking of their future hopes. “’Tis all building castles in the air,” observed a surly republican. “Where can we build them else?” replied a cavalier; “you have robbed us of every inch of land.” SOCIABLE AND SULKY. A coachmaker remarking the fashionable stages or carriages, said, “That a sociable was all the ton during the honey-moon, and a sulky after.” STOREY RAISED. Mr. Congreve going up the water in a boat, one of the watermen told him, as they passed by Peterborough House, at Millbank, “that the house had sunk a _storey_.” “No, friend,” said he; “I rather believe it is a _storey_ raised.” GRENADIER TOO DEEP. During a retreat in the unfortunate Dutch campaign, when the army was flouncing through the mud, in a part of the road uncommonly bad, a company of the guards was much scattered: the commanding officer called out to the men to form _two deep_. “D--me!” shouts a grenadier, from between two mountains of mud; “I am _too deep_ already.” POLITENESS. An officer in battle happening to bow, a cannon-ball passed over his head, and took off the head of a soldier who stood behind him. “You see,” said he, “that a man never loses by politeness.” WESTMINSTER ELECTION. During the poll for the Westminster election between Mr. Fox, Lord Hood, and Sir Cecil Wray, a dead cat was thrown on the hustings; one of the adherents of the latter observed it stunk worse than a fox. “No wonder,” said Mr. Fox, “considering it is a _Poll cat_.” FOOTE. When Foote was at Salt Hill, he dined at the Castle; and when Partridge produced the bill, which was rather exorbitant, Foote asked him his name. “Partridge, an’t please you,” said he. “Partridge!” returned Foote; “it should be Woodcock, _by the length of your bill_.” FUNERAL SERVICE.