Dorn paused. He was not thinking. People said things. An automatic box
of phrases in him released answers. Tesla was replying, not so
fawningly, the bay beneath his soft words mastering his sycophantic
tones. Let him talk. He had something to talk about. He saw something.
There was a new tableau in Tesla's brain. Let him keep murmuring things
about it--suavely, unctuously letting off steam.
Like a man returning drearily to his game of solitaire, Dorn fastened
his eyes again upon the scene. Looking at things would keep him from
thinking. To think was to cry out. He had learned this. His eyes, dark
and heavy, fastened themselves upon the walls of the inn lost in
shadows, painted with nymphs and satyrs sprawling over tapestried
landscapes. He devoured their details, his heart searching in them for
the mystery of Rachel and finding only a deeper emptiness--insistently
naked bodies of nymphs lying like newly bathed housemaids amid stiff
park sceneries. Miracles of photographic lechery. Would people about him
look like that naked? Thank God they were dressed! An ankle in silk was
better than a thigh in sunlight. An old saw ... beauty lay in the
imagination. Women removed their beauty with their clothes. The nymphs
on the wall reminded one chiefly that they were careful to scrub their
legs all the way up.
He sighed and watched the eyes of diners look at the walls. Her face--a
mirror of stars. What else was there but her face? Other faces, of
course. A revulsion of other strange faces. Men studying the naked
figures on the walls with profound but aloof interest, eyeing the women
near them shrewdly as they turned away. Women with serious,
unconcentrated eyes upon the paintings, turning tenderly towards their
escorts. He would die of looking at faces that were not hers. A
love-sick schoolboy. God, what an ass! Tesla was becoming an
insufferable bore. What in God's name did he have to do with masses
raising their skinny arms from a smoking field and crying aloud,
"Bread!" Tesla had a lot to do with it. The skinny arms, the smoking
field, and the balloon with the word "bread" in it were Tesla's soul.
But his soul was different--heavy hands turning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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