She plunged into a perilous traffic knot and emerged unscathed. But that
was wasting time. Time--another superfluous element, a tick-tock for the
little wingless ones to crawl by. Then she remembered--a moon-lighted
room ... "you have given me wings!" Her thought traced itself excitedly
about the memory. This had happened. That had been said. Yesterday,
to-day and to-morrow--all the same. Memories mixing with dreams. Wings!
Yes, wings that beat, beat on the air and left one moving behind a blue
dress, under a jaunty hat like all other jaunty hats. But something else
moved elsewhere. There were two worlds for her. But not for Erik. One
world for Erik. Where would his wings take him? Beyond life there was
still life. A wall of life that never came to an end or a top. That was
the one world for Erik. Hurl himself against it, higher, higher. Soar
till the superfluous ones became little dots on a ribbon of streets.
Tears came into her eyes. The strange world drifted away--a flutter of
faces. A silence seemed to descend upon the streets as if their roaring
were not a noise but the opened mouth of a dumb man. Erik had come to
her. Arm in arm, smiling tears at him she walked through the spinning
crowd in a path hidden from all snickering windows and revolving faces.
A dream walk. These were her wings.
Consciousness returned. She rubbed her eyes with the knuckles of her
hands and laughed softly. She must not excite herself with hysterical
worries. Wondering about Erik. There had been days when she had moved
like a corpse through the streets, a corpse always finding new and
further deaths. Death days with her heart tearing at empty hours, with
time like a disease in her veins. Days before he had come. Now all life
was in her. Why invent new causes of grief? She must talk sane words to
herself. But the sane words bowed a polite adieu and putting on their
hats walked away and sat down behind the snickering windows.... Other
words arrived quickly, breathlessly.... There was something in his eyes
that frightened, something that did not rest with her but seemed to
reach on further. In the midst of their ecstasies his eyes, burning,
unsatisfied, making her suddenly chill with fear, would whisper to her,
"There is something more." In each other's arms it was she who came to
an ending, not he. His kisses, his "I love you," were the clawing of
fingers high up on the wall. For her they were the obliteration, the
ending beyond life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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