"Men or devils," I cried, "do your worst! Make me, if such is your will,
as that sunken corpse beside which I was once seated; but cease your
persecutions. I have atoned for my indiscretions a thousand fold, and
this suspense is unbearable; I demand to know what is to be my doom, and
I desire its fulfilment."
Then one stepped forward, facing me squarely,--the others closed
together around him and me. Raising his forefinger, he pointed it close
to my face, and as his sharp eyes glittered from behind the black mask,
piercing through me, he slowly said: "Why do you not say brothers?"
"Horrible," I rejoined; "stop this mockery. Have I not suffered enough
from your persecutions to make me reject that word as applied to
yourselves? You can but murder; do your duty to your unseen masters, and
end this prolonged torture!"
"Brother," said the spokesman, "you well know that the sacred rules of
our order will not permit us to murder any human being. We exist to
benefit humanity, to lead the wayward back across the burning desert
into the pathways of the righteous; not to destroy or persecute a
brother. Ours is an eleemosynary institution, instructing its members,
helping them to seek happiness. You are now expiating the crime you have
committed, and the good in your spirit rightfully revolts against the
bad, for in divulging to the world our mystic signs and brotherly
greetings, you have sinned against yourself more than against others.
The sting of conscience, the bitings of remorse punish you."
"True," I cried, as the full significance of what he said burst upon me,
"too true; but I bitterly repent my treachery. Others can never know how
my soul is harrowed by the recollection of the enormity of that breach
of confidence. In spite of my open, careless, or defiant bearing, my
heart is humble, and my spirit cries out for mercy. By night and by day
I have in secret cursed myself for heeding an unhallowed mandate, and I
have long looked forward to the judgment that I should suffer for my
perfidy, for I have appreciated that the day of reckoning would surely
appear. I do not rebel, and I recall my wild language; I recant my
'Confession,' I renounce myself! I say to you in all sincerity,
brothers, do your duty, only I beg of you to slay me at once, and end my
suspense. I await my doom. What might it be?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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