That Evelyn was original her husband conceded—at times he even took a
certain pride in her looks and ways. They were useful. But her
attitude to him personally was unendurable. She had never loved him, of
course—such a man does not ask for love; he would not have recognized it
had he found it. On the other hand, he had never claimed anything from
her to which she had not made instant response so far as she was able.
She had swept his floors and cooked for him, in their poorer days, like
the docile wife of any village labourer; she had mended his reputation
as well as his clothes, Hare once said, chuckling. When he was ill she
nursed him; when he was well she stayed with him or left him as he
wished. But day by day the wall that separated them grew higher; he had
married a pliable child, who had become a woman in an hour.
If he spoke of it at all—which was seldom, for, try as he would, he
could find no tangible ground for complaint—it was only to rail at her
religion.
"Those damned priests and directors are behind this pose of yours. I’ll
break it down, as well as you, before I’ve done with you."
In an access of fury one day he dragged from her bedroom wall a Delia
Robbia plaque of the Madonna and Child, before which a lamp was burning,
and flung it to the ground.
Evelyn was smiling when he turned to her.
"Do you think one’s faith depends on such things?" she asked, carefully
gathering up the broken pieces. "They’re quite immaterial. Your
lover’s picture is in your heart, whether you have his photograph or
not. I’m sorry you broke this, it is one of the few valuable things we
have. You may break or burn every outward needless symbol that I have,
if you choose—I’ll put them away if you dislike them. What you do or
what you don’t do doesn’t touch anything in me. You killed my love long
ago, and as for faith—that’s just between myself and God."
She blew out the lamp, when he cursed her, and it was never lighted
again.
Points of view such as these were indescribably irritating. In his
excuse it must be admitted that with increasing years Brand’s physical
health had grown worse; long paroxysms of pain often seized him when he
was alone. Once he had been man enough to fight against his
irritability; he tended it now, watering it with his sense of ill-usage,
and kept its fruits for his wife. Her unshaken calm, her peace, her air
of quiet rest and strength when he was nervous and suffering, tried him
beyond words; there were times when he could have stopped short at
nothing to wreck her control, to subdue the unconquerable spirit that
passed through the mines and tunnels of the world, as though the way was
lit by an enduring light. The idea grew to an obsession. He himself
was powerless to hurt her; he must act through some one else. Life had
been unfair to him throughout; it had marred him first, then broken him.
Well, it should mar and break her too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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