Do I go to church on Sunday, with a devout desire to attend to the sermon?--my next neighbor is a young man, apparently seated on a nettle cushion: he groans and fidgets, and fidgets and groans; crosses his feet and uncrosses them; kicks over the cricket; knocks down his cane; drops the hymn-book, and finally draws from his coat pocket a little case; takes out one segar after another, transposes them, applies them to the end of his nose, and pats them affectionately; then he examines his watch; then frowns at the pulpit; then, glancing at the door, draws a sigh long enough and strong enough to inflate a pair of bellows, or burst off a vest button. [Illustration: “Mr. Stubbs is earnestly requested to call and settle the above bill at his earliest convenience.”] With a dolorous whine, this same young man deplores (in public) his inability to indulge in the luxury of a wife, “owing to the extravagant habits of the young ladies of the present day.” I take this occasion to submit to public inspection a little bit of paper found in the vest pocket of this fumigated, cork-screwed, pantalooned humbug, by his washerwoman: NEW YORK, October 1st, 1853. MR. THADDEUS THEOPHILUS STUBBS, TO JUAN FUMIGO, Dr. To Segars for Sept., 1853 Sept. 1--To 20 Trabucos, at 5c. $1 00 “ To 12 Riohondas, at 6d. 75 “ 3--To 12 Los Tres Castillos, at 6d. 75 “ To 12 La Nicotiana, at 6d. 75 “ 4--(Sunday--for Segars for a party) 10 Palmettoes, 10 Esculapios, 12 La Sultanos, 12 El Crusados, 20 Norriegos, 16 L’Alhambros, at 4c. 3 20 “ 6--To 50 L’Ambrosias, at 4c. 2 00 “ 10--To 30 Cubanos, at 8c. 2 40 “ 12--To 50 Londres, at 4c. 2 00 “ 15--To 30 Jenny Linds, (for concert party,) at 8c. 2 40 “ 24--To 50 Figaros, (for party to see Uncle Tom, at the National,) at 8c. 4 00 “ 26--To 100 Mencegaros, (for party of country relations and friends,) at 2c. 2 00 “ 30--To 40 Imperial Regalias, at 1s. 5 00 -------- $26 25 _Received Payment_, (Mr. Stubbs is earnestly requested to call and settle the above at his earliest convenience. J. F.) Consistent Stubbs! But, then, his segar bill is not receipted! SOLILOQUY OF A HOUSEMAID.