“Sit down, and I’ll explain My system of Phrenology, A second, please, remain”— (A second is horology). Policeman left his beat— (The Bart., no longer furious, Sat down upon a seat, Observing, “This is curious!”) “Oh, surely, here are signs Should soften your rigidity: This gentleman combines Politeness with timidity. “Of Shyness here’s a lump— A hole for Animosity— And like my fist his bump Of Impecuniosity. “Just here the bump appears Of Innocent Hilarity, And just behind his ears Are Faith, and Hope, and Charity. “He of true Christian ways As bright example sent us is— This maxim he obeys, ‘_Sorte tuâ contentus sis_.’ “There, let him go his ways, He needs no stern admonishing.” The Bart., in blank amaze, Exclaimed, “This is astonishing! “I _must_ have made a mull, This matter I’ve been blind in it: Examine, please, _my_ skull, And tell me what you find in it.” That Crusher looked, and said, With unimpaired urbanity, “SIR HERBERT, you’ve a head That teems with inhumanity. “Here’s Murder, Envy, Strife (Propensity to kill any), And Lies as large as life, And heaps of Social Villany. “Here’s Love of Bran-New Clothes, Embezzling—Arson—Deism— A taste for Slang and Oaths, And Fraudulent Trusteeism. “Here’s Love of Groundless Charge— Here’s Malice, too, and Trickery, Unusually large Your bump of Pocket-Pickery—” “Stop!” said the Bart., “my cup Is full—I’m worse than him in all; Policeman, take me up— No doubt I am some criminal!” That Pleeceman’s scorn grew large (Phrenology had nettled it), He took that Bart. in charge— I don’t know how they settled it. THE FAIRY CURATE. ONCE a fairy Light and airy Married with a mortal; Men, however, Never, never Pass the fairy portal. Slyly stealing, She to Ealing Made a daily journey; There she found him, Clients round him (He was an attorney). Long they tarried, Then they married. When the ceremony Once was ended, Off they wended On their moon of honey. Twelvemonth, maybe, Saw a baby (Friends performed an orgie). Much they prized him, And baptized him By the name of GEORGIE, GEORGIE grew up; Then he flew up To his fairy mother. Happy meeting— Pleasant greeting— Kissing one another. “Choose a calling Most enthralling, I sincerely urge ye.” “Mother,” said he (Rev’rence made he), “I would join the clergy.