Scaw House had seemed to him, during these last three years, merely an
interlude at Dawson's. There had been hurried holidays that had been
spent in recovering from and preparing for the term and the House had
scarcely, and only very quietly, raised its head to disturb him. He had
not been disturbed--he had had other things to think about--and now he
was very greatly disturbed indeed; that was the first difference that
he consciously realised. The disturbance lay, of course, partly in the
presence of his father and in the sense that he had had growing upon
him, during the last two years, that their relationship, the one to the
other, would, suddenly, one fine day, spring into acute emotion. They
were approaching one another gradually as in a room whose walls were
slowly closing. “Face to face--and then body to body--at last, soul to
soul!”
He did not, he thought, actively hate his father; his father did not
actively hate him, but hate might spring up at any moment between them,
and Peter, although he was only sixteen, was no longer a child. But the
feeling of apprehension that Scaw House gave him was caused by wider
influences than his father. Three years at Dawson's had given Peter an
acute sense of expecting things, it might be defined as “the glance over
the shoulder to see who followed”--some one was always following at Scaw
House. He saw in this how closely life was bound together, because
every little moment at Dawson's contributed to his present active fear.
Dawson's explained Scaw House to Peter. And yet this was all morbidity
and Peter, square, broad-shouldered, had no scrap of morbidity in his
clean body. He did not await the future with the shaking candle of the
suddenly awakened coward, but rather with the planted feet and the bared
teeth of the bull-dog....
He watched the faces of his father, his aunt and Mrs. Trussit. He
observed the frightened dreams of his grandfather, the way that old
Curtis the gardener would suddenly cease his fugitive digging and glance
with furtive eyes at the windows of the house; about them were the dark
shadows of the long passages, the sharp note of some banging door in a
distant room, the wail of that endless wind beyond the walls. He felt
too that Mrs. Trussit and his aunt were furtively watching him. He never
caught them in anything tangible but he knew that, when his back was
turned, their eyes followed him--questioning, wondering.
Something must be done or he could not answer for his control. If he
were not to return to Dawson's, what then?
It was his seventeenth birthday one hot day towards the end of August,
and at breakfast his father, without looking up from his paper, said:
“I have made arrangements for you with Mr. Aitchinson to enter his
office next week. You'll have to work--you've been idling long enough.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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